Obama Pulling Out of Wisconsin?

Unsubstantiated information from the Republican Party of Wisconsin:

After a series of puff articles over the weekend raving about Senator Barack Obama’s Wisconsin operation, it was discovered Obama actually doesn’t have any campaign offices in the state.

“Perhaps Democrats realize that the most liberal member of the United States Senate is no fit for Wisconsin voters and took their field offices back to Chicago,” said Mark Jefferson, Executive Director of the Republican Party of Wisconsin. “This isn’t the first time the Obama campaign has sought to mislead folks in Wisconsin, and it no doubt won’t be the last.”

Phone numbers listed on the Obama website for Wisconsin campaign offices were discovered to be inoperable this week. Obama’s national campaign said there hasn’t been campaign offices since the state’s February primary and didn’t know when they would reopen.

According to Jefferson, Obama’s visit this week could be to mask his anemic state operation or it might be a farewell visit to the Badger State.

“It will take more than overblown pep rallies to convince Wisconsin voters that Barack Obama shares their values,” Jefferson said. “John McCain has a history of independent leadership that appeals to Wisconsin. Senator Obama has never put partisan interests aside to bring about progress. Maybe that’s why Democrats have to exaggerate their campaign operations.”

Very interesting.

Superdelegates

Does anyone else find it funny that the Democrats, a party where the fucking name implies total servitude to the popular vote, is the party that has a primary process that can almost completely invalidate the voice of the people?  It fucking rocks.

 

At least the Republicans stick to their republican ideals in the structure of their primary. 

 

There you go, there's one place.

Fuck the Republicans: Where do we go from here?

dpud demonstrates just how completely useless the Republican party has become:

Okay, how pitiful is it that MSNBC of all places has a better understanding of what the problem is than the NRCC?

Let Rome burn.

Ok. I'm with you guys. Fuck the Republican Party. But we need to have a conservative party and with the inevitable wreckage caused by the implosion of a century old party we'll need to start a new one.

Is that even feasible? Do we abandon the ENTIRE party or just McCain?

Can the country recover from Obama as President and a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate and a 2/3 majority in the house?

What about at the state and local level? Surely we don't abandon that because it would allow them to pass fucking AMENDMENTS at will and we certainly can't have that.

I'm not being devil's advocate. I'm fucking tired of the Republicans. Now where do we go instead?

Let's be honest, a total abandoning of the Republican party by its conservative base would give hyper-majorities to the Democrats and I don't have to tell you what that looks like:


WE HAVE PUT THE REINS OF POWER IN THE HANDS OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!!1111

Oh, I'm sorry about that but it had to be done. Look on the bright side, if you ever suffer from priapism you've got a handy cure.

Anyway, Captain Cheer and Light and the Socialism Brigade can't be allowed unfettered access to the reins of power. That She-Man Capitalism-Hater's Club would quickly get into shenanigans that would be less adorable than catastrophic.

Like I said, I'm all for the deep sixing the Republican Party (I don't draw penises willy-nilly, you know) but we need an intelligent alternative.

What do you think?

P.S.: Yes, I'm still giggling about those pictures. It's like I'm five.

From Hillary! to Hillary?

The "?" stands for "Is she batshit insane or what?"

Her campaign is renewing the argument that if she leads in the popular vote, she should be the Democratic nominee. Hillary is within striking distance of winning the popular vote nationwide -- a key part of our plan to win the nomination," campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe said in a letter to supporters Sunday.

"That means we need every last vote we can get in West Virginia on
Tuesday and in the races to follow."

Her campaign is trying to turn out the vote in the remaining six contests, hoping the popular vote argument will persuade superdelegates to endorse her instead of Obama.

This, of course, is not going to happen.

No way, no how. If she takes this to the convention, there will be
riots.

I hope Denver paid up its Police Protection tab.

Update: Looks like she's going to take West Virginia today by a ridiculous, ass-stomping margin. Doesn't fucking matter. At all. This is a state that still elects Robert "I'm a fucking Klansman" Byrd to the senate even though he's well past his expiration date.

Also, unlike Pennsylvania or Ohio or Florida or Michigan, this state is completely unimportant in the general election. It is going to McCain. Period.

I'm am, however, beginning to doubt my earlier prediction that she will drop out of the race due to this little McCain/Feingold caveat:

Hillary Clinton may have a financial incentive to remain in the presidential race for a while. And she has Senator John McCain to thank for it.

Clinton loaned her struggling campaign $11 million in recent months. A little-known provision of a 2002 campaign- finance law cosponsored by McCain prevents candidates who drop out of the race from raising money after the nominating conventions to repay themselves for personal loans.

Should Clinton fail to come up with the funds by the Democratic convention in August, she'll be out the $11 million. If she quits the campaign before then, she may find it hard to get people to keep giving cash just so she can retire her debt.

Of course, if this is why she's staying in it means that all donations from now until the end of the campaign are basically charity to the Clintons. I think you know where I stand on that proposition no matter how much Drew M. wants her to win.

Sick and Tired

I missed work yesterday sick so I'm swamped. That's a shame because I have several really good Ask A Moron questions. The problem is that they'll require some real effort on my part and I want to get them right. On that note, does anyone know a good, free world map editing program? I could use the paint bucket on MS Paint but I'm trying to class up the place, ya dig?

Last night was a blast but leaves me with an empty feeling. Hillary! is done. Obama is the candidate. McCain is a douchebag. This general election is going to be very long and depressing. I just wonder what we'll have to blog about until the conventions. There are only so many 80's speed metal videos I can put up here, you know?

I've decided I'm starting the Hillary Clinton Candidacy Dead Pool. Pick a date you think Hillary! will finally drop out of the race. The fact that she canceled all her talk show appearances today makes me think it may be sooner than the convention.

I'm picking May 23rd. Put your picks in the comments. I'll think of something clever to do for the winner.

P.S.: Why isn't douchebag in the spell checker dictionary? What about douchefluid? Douchenozzle? Ah, the holy trinity of douche. If McCain is the bag, who are the other two?

Update: DPUD responds in the comments:

She doesn't drop out, unless you count the Convention going "You lost, GTFO!" droppping out. Her ego won't allow it, that and she wants to do as much damage to Obama as possible in order to soften him for McCain so she can run in 2012.

It is obvious that she wants McCain to win. I can't argue with that.

She'll be campaigning for Obama about the same way OJ is looking for his ex-wife's killer.

But I think she'll drop out. I think she'll be too close to burning all her bridges with her party if she doesn't take a step back.

What she needs to do to position herself for 2012 is to withdraw when it becomes clear she can't win but loudly proclaim that she'd have a better chance to beat McCain.

Then, after McCain wins, she can go back to the party and say "I told you so, now let me at him in 2012."

That's what I'd do. If her ego won't allow that, her ego won't allow winning. Simple as that.

Moron Pundit Drools

Bye, guys. It's been fun.
So say the voters at Ace's primary results chat this evening. As Ace said, it was the greatest night of my fly-over-country life as he allowed my bitter, downscale* opinions on the page without moderation. My indispensable knowledge of Northwestern Indiana proved too important.

As it stands, Hillary is up by some 40,000 votes without one vote counted in Lake County. She may pull out a technical win but a margin that small won't come close to mitigating the loss of momentum caused by her shellacking in North Carolina.

She'll stay in the race and attempt to make a fight of it at the convention but if the Democratic elite can't convince her to drop out, the riots will.

In other commentary, Allah finally calls it against the glacier:

Which means she has nothing left to commend her to the supers except an electability argument unsupported by a single key metric or even circumstantial evidence that Pastorgate has done Obama grievous damage at the polls. Are they going to take the nomination from the first serious black candidate for president without any compelling data to hang their decision on? Not a chance. It’s over. Let’s move on.

Honestly, the only reason there's been any coverage of this primary as 'close' is that our cynical media needs ratings to stay high. This has been over since Super Tuesday and everyone that's honestly looked at the numbers has to agree.

Luckily, Obama stands next to no chance of winning any of the major swing states the Democrats need to compete in the general. Ohio, Pennsylvania and Michigan have no great love for Obama and Florida is almost certainly going for McCain. Hell, Maverick is pretty damned popular among "downscale"* voters in Michigan and has a realistic shot at taking that state as well.

I'm sure this won't be called by the time I go to bed but I'm standing by my earlier prediction. The turnout in Lake County will be just enough to hand the state to Obama by several hundred votes. Clinton will stay in the race but nobody, even her, will know why.
* - Explanation of downscale here.

Update: Well, I was wrong. Looks like Clinton hangs on to a slim 15,000 vote victory primarily because Obama only took Lake County 55/45. I'd be shocked if both candidates aren't sending their best people to figure out why a dominantly black county in Chicago's media market gave Obama less support than Marion county and the suburbs of Indianapolis.

No wonder they waited so long to release their totals. They were probably wondering where all the extra Obama votes were.

Reminder for Obama Supporters

In order to mitigate some of the righteous anger you may feel in the unlikely event of defeat at the Democratic Convention or the likely event of defeat in the General Election, I provide the following reminder:

10 barely interested voters still beats 9 rabid, fanatical voters.

Always have, always will.

So, even though McCain may not make girls faint when he talks and I doubt Clinton makes anyone tingle in the pants the vast swath of barely interested America will vote and it will count.

Try to stay calm or the the Dems might get tired of being pushed around by a bunch of mouth breathing, insane, mongoloid fucktards.

P.S.: When Obama loses, I want a montage of his campaign put together to this song:

I Hope You Don't Notice How Often I Change My Tune

I have only been watching politics seriously for little more than a decade but I still have to move Obama ahead of Bill Clinton on the list of opportunistic, poll-driven, snake-oil salesmen politicians.

Dude, holy fucking shit:

Barack Obama, declaring “that’s enough,” denounced Tuesday as “appalling” and “ridiculous” comments made in the last few days by his former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr.

In a press conference in North Carolina, the Illinois senator used his strongest language to date to condemn Wright’s controversial sermons, which have remained a burden to his campaign since they became national news more than a month ago. Wright spoke Monday at The National Press Club in Washington, D.C.

“I am outraged by the comments that were made, and saddened over the spectacle that we saw yesterday,” Obama said.

“The person I saw yesterday was not the person that I met 20 years ago. His comments were not only divisive and destructive, but I believe they ended up giving comfort to those who prey on hate,” he said.

But I THOUGHT:

In my first book, Dreams From My Father, I described the experience of my first service at Trinity:

"People began to shout, to rise from their seats and clap and cry out, a forceful wind carrying the reverend's voice up into the rafters....And in that single note - hope! - I heard something else; at the foot of that cross, inside the thousands of churches across the city, I imagined the stories of ordinary black people merging with the stories of David and Goliath, Moses and Pharaoh, the Christians in the lion's den, Ezekiel's field of dry bones. Those stories - of survival, and freedom, and hope - became our story, my story; the blood that had spilled was our blood, the tears our tears; until this black church, on this bright day, seemed once more a vessel carrying the story of a people into future generations and into a larger world. Our trials and triumphs became at once unique and universal, black and more than black; in chronicling our journey, the stories and songs gave us a means to reclaim memories that we didn't need to feel shame about...memories that all people might study and cherish - and with which we could start to rebuild."

That has been my experience at Trinity. Like other predominantly black churches across the country, Trinity embodies the black community in its entirety - the doctor and the welfare mom, the model student and the former gang-banger. Like other black churches, Trinity's services are full of raucous laughter and sometimes bawdy humor. They are full of dancing, clapping, screaming and shouting that may seem jarring to the untrained ear. The church contains in full the kindness and cruelty, the fierce intelligence and the shocking ignorance, the struggles and successes, the love and yes, the bitterness and bias that make up the black experience in America.

And this helps explain, perhaps, my relationship with Reverend Wright. As imperfect as he may be, he has been like family to me. He strengthened my faith, officiated my wedding, and baptized my children. Not once in my conversations with him have I heard him talk about any ethnic group in derogatory terms, or treat whites with whom he interacted with anything but courtesy and respect. He contains within him the contradictions - the good and the bad - of the community that he has served diligently for so many years.

I can no more disown him than I can disown the black community. I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother - a woman who helped raise me, a woman who sacrificed again and again for me, a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world, but a woman who once confessed her fear of black men who passed by her on the street, and who on more than one occasion has uttered racial or ethnic stereotypes that made me cringe.

So let me get this straight. The endless parade of racist, anti-American, conspiracy-laden soundbites that were available on DVD and spouted EVERY OTHER WEEK in his fucking church weren't enough but now that he's said the same things at a press conference, that's beyond the pale?

Give me a fucking break.

Describe to me exactly the type of person who's twenty-year spiritual mentor marries him to his socialist wife, baptizes his children but doesn't notice that his mentor is a racist, anti-American lunatic. Not a closeted, ashamed racist, anti-American lunatic but the kind that openly professes his hatred and conspiracy theories in public at least twice a month! Describe the type of person who sees a man as family but doesn't know his beliefs in any way.

Would the words dipshit or retard be in the description? How about braindead commie fuck? Asshat enthusiast?

Of course, the media is completely buying it and we shall hear no more about it but even if this story was over, we'd still be eagerly awaiting the explanations for Obamas myriad associations with unrepentant terrorists and communists.

Oh, and way to throw your spiritual mentor under the bus along with your grandmother. I hope she doesn't mind being run over in such close proximity to one of those scary darkies. No wonder Wright is so pissed. I'd feel pretty fucking betrayed too.

Fuck you, Obama. Your shills in the media may be buying your horseshit but I'm not. It's too bad, too. At one point I'd have defended you as, at least, an honest, well-meaning guy.

Now I know the truth; You're just another dirty, opportunistic, Illinois machine politician. I can't wait until you go to prison.

Long Night

I would have posted an Ask a Moron last night but I was delirious with fever so the post might have looked like something on Daily Kos.

Anyway, I'll get to a couple of Ask A Morons before this week is over and I think that Mr. Hussein Obama needs a good foot up the ass, too.

Can you believe the ball girth on that guy? I'm surprised he can find pants. 20 years he spends with Rev. Wright as his spiritual mentor and now he suddenly realizes he's a racist piece of shit? Only now? Don't forget he has now denounced a man he could no sooner denounce than all of black America.

Blacks, your denunciation is in the mail.

And I thought the Clintons were pragmatic.

Tax Breaks for Children

Rachel Lucas brings up a touchy subject:

Here’s a debate question: is it fair for people to pay less tax simply because they have chosen to have children? I’m sure you can guess where I stand (I say it’s bullshit), but I’m curious to hear logical, sound defenses of this policy. Yeah, if I had kids, I’d take the deduction, but I don’t think I’d feel comfortable saying it’s actually “fair” that the day I popped a baby out I suddenly deserved to pay less tax than the day I did before.

On the one hand I support fair, low taxes. On the other hand, I believe it is in society's interest to support and promote responsible reproduction as it is the only thing that can stave off the worst case demographic scenarios presented by Mark Steyn in American Alone.

First, a disclaimer. I am a father but I do not receive any tax benefit. Actually, the way the laws are set up, I am penalized but that's another, much longer rant.

I suppose my opinion on whether or not there should be a tax break for having children depends on how it is implemented. If asked, I would say I do not support the breaks we currently have. It seems the entire system is structured to promote poor, uneducated, single women to have children in order to receive money from the father, the government and any other third-party institution that may dump cash their way. A child is not only a meal ticket but, depending on who you get to donate sperm, a lottery ticket.

That being said, in the end, we need children. I'm a supporter of the "one for yourself, one for your spouse, one for the country" mentality of reproduction. The fact that intelligent, responsible adults like Rachel Lucas have no interest in having children (a decision only she can make and one on which I refuse to judge anyone... the last thing we need is people who don't want children having them) only requires that other people have even more children. The problem is, children are very expensive and having three or more children in the modern world is not a good financial decision, to say the least. Let's face it; educated, intelligent, financially stable adults look at all the sacrifices necessary to have children and many of them just don't think it's worth it. Sadly, these are the very people we need to be parents.

So, what do you do?

I think we need to find a way to encourage financially stable individuals to have children without also promoting unfit or single parents(I'm not saying we leave those children to rot... just that we attempt to deter that behavior). I believe one good way to do that is to provide tax-breaks for employed parents in stable relationships. It doesn't seem fair but it is undeniable that everyone in society benefits from there being a society in the first place. Surely that's worth a few tax breaks here and there?

Of course, if Rachel reads this, she's going to eviscerate it. I dread all the wrath. Tastes like burning.

Update: I am speechless. Welcome Mark Steyn readers. Take a look around if you have a few minutes.

Wow, Rachel Lucas and now this? That's two heroes of mine in the same week! It's like Christmas. What's next? Lileks? Ace? Allahpundit? John Bolton? Hugh Hewitt?

McCain's New Media Strategy

In the news:

Republican John McCain on Wednesday asked the North Carolina GOP not to run a television ad that brings up the controversial former pastor of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

North Carolina Republican Party officials insisted the ad will run as planned despite McCain's request.

The ad opens with a photo of Obama and the Rev. Jeremiah Wright together and a clip of Wright, whose comments on race have bedeviled Obama.

And here in three paragraphs I have a demonstration of John McCain's brilliant 'New Media' strategy that will simultaneously harness the power of the Internet, bypass restrictions in fundraising (partially imposed by his own shitty legislation) and counterbalance the left's massive advantage in unofficial soft advertising.

The strategy is simple: remain as detached from the conservative new media as possible without pissing them off while publicly encouraging these independent actors to be civil and avoid mudslinging. Of course, as in North Carolina, these bloggers and partisans will rebel against the barely acceptable and quite unpopular McCain and only pump up the volume on these attack ads. This gives McCain the ability to get massive publicity and avoidi any perceived affiliation with the organizations that produced them.

It is no secret that John McCain can't hope to compete with the organization, funding or 'hipness' of the current Democratic machine and he certainly can't compete in an official capacity on the Internet except to give another example of his shortcomings. If, on the other hand, he allows the most brutal of attacks to be popularized by independent actors he gets to circumvent limitations on hard and soft-money contributions yet still reap the benefit of flood-the-zone advertising. Even radio personalities that hate him will denounce his rejection of the attack which only brings more attention to the issue at hand. Brilliant.

Also, the right just doesn't have nutroots organization of the size and stability of Moveon.org, etc. Even if they did, attacking Obama at best is seen as kicking a puppy and at worst opens one up to the shrill charges of racism.

Therefore, it is best that McCain never, implicitly or explicitly condone a negative attack on Obama in public and instead count on the thousands of concerned, semi-hostile conservative media voices to make those attacks instead. It plays clean with the moderates, allows him the advantage when the Democrats and their apparatchiks attack, and saves him much-needed cash.

Am I giving him too much credit? Well, he's not a very good conservative but I have yet to hear the argument that he isn't a good politician. I guess we'll see. I am a moron, after all.

Obama Spins After Defeat

Destroys several towns in bitter, rural Pennsylvania:

You know, there were a lot of folks who didn't think we could make this a race when it started. They thought we were going to be blown out. But we worked hard, and we traveled across the state to big cities and small towns, to factories and VFW halls. And now, six weeks later, we closed the gap. We rallied people of every age and race and background to the cause. Well, actually, judging by the people standing be hind me, mostly white guys in Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirts. Whatever, fuck you! I need a cigarette.*

Only the Obamessiah could play a rather sturdy defeat (look at this county map to see how racist and bitter those cousin-fuckers were) as a resurgence. Hell, it was a RESURRECTION! He LIVES! HALLELUJAH! Even in defeat we have scored a major victory! There are no American forces in Baghdad! Yes we CAN! Chains we can believe in!

(An aside: Did you see what Michelle Obama was wearing? She must be raiding Bill Ayers' closet for paisley silk shirts because I don't know where you'd buy something so hideous in the present.)

* I may have made up that last bit.

Moron of the Day: Bitter Pill

I know this is very old at this point but as the story didn't even break the day it happened, I figure what's a few more days between friends? The Moron of the Day, of course, is Barack "you're all gun-totin', flag-wavin', immigrant-hatin', bible-thumpin' racists" Obama.

I am pretty sure that I have never seen anything that even approaches this level of stupidity from a candidate in all the years I've been watching the division of showbiz known as politics.

While we don't have video of the event, we do have this picture taken just before Obama gave the speech.

Deep, Hopeful, Transcending Faith

I wonder if watching Obama defend James T. Meeks will elicit Andrew Sullivan the same rapid-fire Obamagasm shudders his defense of Wright produced.

"fighting AIDS without talking against homosexuality is like fighting lung cancer without talking against smoking."

I have never felt more convinced that this man's candidacy - not this man, his candidacy - and what he can bring us to achieve - is an historic opportunity.

I love this country. I don't remember loving it or hoping more from it than today.

Update: Which reminds me of this:

If _______ had done everything exactly the same way ______ but had embraced gay marriage, do you think Andrew Sullivan would still _________?

If Barack Obama had done everything exactly the same way in his race speech but had denounced gay marriage, do you think Andrew Sullivan would still have clusterspooged in his pants so hard he tore a groin muscle?

The Politics of Bullshit

Obama would have left the church has Wright not retired:

Sen. Barack Obama says in an interview scheduled to air on TV Friday that he would have left his church if his pastor had not retired and had not acknowledged making comments that "deeply offended people."

So the man spews racist, anti-American vitriol for 20 years but something he said in the last six months finally pushed Barack over the edge? Finally, words came out that were just over the line.

If this didn't get you out of your seat(not to cheer, you socialist fucktard), I'd really like to see what does cross this line:

Remember that the rubble of the twin towers were still smoldering when he said this. Thousands of American corpses were still buried in the mangled debris. The streets of Manhattan were still grey with the ash of a million shattered dreams.

And this man is celebrating with a public orgasm.

But somehow that wasn't enough to quit the church. What could have caused this change in the last six months? What could Wright have said or done that he hadn't done in the previous decades?

Surely political expediency has nothing to do with it. Clearly not that.

Politics of hope, my ass. It's just standard politics of bullshit.

You Are Entitled to Bankruptcy

I love just looking at numbers like $53 Trillion. It really keeps you regular:

Let me give you three numbers that will put this economic asteroid into perspective: $200 billion, $14.1 trillion, and $53 trillion.

• $200 billion is the approximate total amount of write-downs announced so far as a result of the current credit crisis.


• $14.1 trillion is the size of the entire U.S. economy


• And $53 trillion is (drum roll please) the approximate size of this country's bill for the Social Security and Medicare promises we've made.

While no one will ever mistake me for Alan Greenspan, it seems to me that the third number is quite a bit larger than the other two. It also seems very few people care.

Am I the only person who's basic reaction is "holy fucking shit?" Seriously, how devastating does the impending crisis have to be before we take a serious look at it? The thing that infuriates me most is the demagogic retardity of the opposition to privatization of Social Security (or any other common-sense response). They haven't proffered one good motherfucking reason for not doing it except that volunteers for the program may invest so poorly as to defy decades of reliable growth in the stock market.

Boo-fucking-hoo.

Life is full of ridiculous risks and I'm sick and fucking tired of being told which ones are government approved. It's my money and I'll donate it to the U.N. if I want to (I can't think of a bigger waste of money off the top of my head). If this results in me being a penniless geezer, so fucking be it. I never asked you to take care of me and I'd thank you to stop worrying about my retirement. That is and always has been my responsibility; all of our own responsibilities.

What I do know is that this problem isn't going away and when it comes to a head I strongly suspect the liberal shit-sniffers that won't let us privatize it are really not going to like the concensus solution.

It won't be more taxes.

Obamalypse!

I've got little to say on the fallout from the Messiah's speachifying but I do know that his campaign is pretty much fucked. He may(probably will) win the nomination for the Democrats but if those super-dee-duper delegates go his way they will be making a severe mistake for their party.

Obama has become a catastrophic liability of seemingly unknown proportions. Once again the liberal wing of the liberal wing of the Democratic party hijacked the nomination process without properly vetting their candidate and once again (e.g. Dean, McGovern, Mondale) that candidate's background and bedfellows will make him completely unelectable in November.

The only way Obama could have a chance is if the wholly-owned shills in the media found some way to obscure all of his scandals and questionable allegiances. Leaving aside Chris Matthews' groin tingle and Andrew Sullivan's spasmodic serial orgasms, this makes it pretty clear they are not capable of doing so.

From the array of American flags behind a man who cannot be bothered to recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the cynical tossing of his own grandmother under the bus, Obama presented us with the most cynical, calculated, dishonest political speech of my generation. I always thought Obama was an honest and intelligent man who genuinely believed the socialist propaganda he promoted could heal our souls. Now I'm certain he is no less slimy than Bill Clinton with the added audacity to constantly brow-beat others with the race card while simultaneously defending the most vile racism and anti-Americanism with the same words. Disgusting

Thankfully, the Messiah has been crucified and it was the truth that was his executioner.

Ask A Moron: Terror in the Oval Office

Chaika writes:

"How 'bout this? A 2-part question. Who, Hillary or Barack, would be more terrifying in the Oval Office if you were:

A. A sworn enemy of the United States;
B. An American taxpayer who wishes to be left alone."

You've come to the right Moron, my friend!

Perspective A: Sworn Enemy of the United States

O.H. Mubarak - Inset: Life partner
Hi, my name is Osama Hussein Mubarak and I'm a shit-eating, goat-fucking effigy burner and while I'm not engaged in grotesque multi-species sex acts with my fellow terrorists, I enjoy possessing women, public stonings and gang rape. I was asked by Moron Pundit to address which Democratic candidate inspires more terror in me as a sworn enemy of the United States and closeted caprasexual (but I repeat myself!).

Hillary Clinton: This infidel woman is often used in my homeland as an explanation of why women must be completely covered. Many suggest that ankles be excepted from the rule but were she to walk down a Bagdhad street in shorts you'd have found your weapons of mass destruction! I kid, I kid! But on a serious note, death to America.

Anyway, she has guaranteed she'd have a plan for the withdrawal of American troops from Iraq within 60 days of being inaugurated but if her execution of that plan is anything like HillaryCare I'm afraid we'd have your pesky Marines in our hair for all eternity. Don't get me wrong, we're eager to be sent to our 72 virgins but could you please have those Marines tone it back a notch. I'm running out of places to stick my falafel if you take my meaning. My chick peas don't paste themselves.

On the other hand, she does seem like a tough bitch and it seems that people that oppose her tend to have mysterious accidents and I can imagine a scenario in which Iran 'falls' and 'runs into a doorknob' because it's 'just so clumsy.' Just saying.

Terror Rating: 4/10

Barack Obama: Perhaps the Barack '08 humper sticker on my camel gives it away but I've really jumped on the Hope and Change bandwagon. He represents our favorite qualities of American society including limitless geopolitical naivety combined with an overwhelming compulsion to identify with victim class ideology. No person in American politics provides us more hope that we can change America into an Islamic theocracy without firing a shot than this yammering used-car salesman. Why, just the other day I was enjoying a post-coital cigarette in bed with my friend Billy G. and I said, "That Obama will really do what it takes to make me love America." Already he's promised to withdraw from Iraq, eviscerate the nation's military, cripple the economy with taxes and regulation while simultaneously circling the globe on his anticipated "Fellate the Dick-tator 09" tour. If he manages to open the border with Mexico and increase trade protectionism the United States will be a third world country faster than you can say "be gentle with that horn, honey." What's not to like?

Oh, we love his wife, too. We'd stone her for being uppity last.

Terror Rating: 0/10

Perspective B: An American Taxpayer Who Wishes to Be Left Alone
Well, as I fit this description perfectly, I've decided to field this one with a simple analogy.
Hillary Clinton's Presidency : Barack Obama's Presidency :: Getting Violently Fucked in the Ass :

• A) Getting Violently Fucked in the Ass


• B) Being Brutally Raped in the Ass


• C) Sitting on a Fire Hydrant


• D) Dating Ryan Seacrest

Take your pick, you're getting stitches either way.

Terror Rating: 10/10

Ministry of Shit Only Retards Can Believe

Rev. Wright is a true patriot:

"The whole point to Dr. Wright's sermons is to how do you make America a better America. If anything he's a true patriot," Hopkins said.

I fail to see how having God damn America (I have to assume he meant that literally as he is a true believer*) would make America better. Maybe he hangs out with Kos diarists (not too big of a fucking stretch, I know) and thinks it would make America better if it invaded and occupied.

Well, I'd like to have it be known that I want Wright's life to be better. God damn Wright. Also, I want the lives of all black Americans to be better. God damn black Americans**.

Fucking ridiculous. What a retarded clown. Him and every one of his asshatted parishioner's.

* - In Black Jeebus.

** - For the irony challenged (i.e. retards), I obviously don't want God to damn black Americans. Like I (or Reverand Footatarian) have the power to call down divine punishment anyway. Besides, calling for the damnation of merely 14% of the American population is surely less controversial than damning all of them.

That's just science.

Update: A similar argument is made here.

Bias? Not at the New York Times!

We all know it takes the media a lot of extra effort and time to designate the political party of scandal participants. Imagine my shock when I saw this in the first sentence of a story:

The former treasurer of a Republican Congressional fund-raising committee may have stolen hundreds of thousands of dollars by submitting elaborately forged audit reports for five years using the letterhead of a legitimate auditing firm, a lawyer for the committee said Thursday.

No liberal bias here. I wonder how their circulation is doing. Good thing they want lower circulation.