Obama Pulling Out of Wisconsin?

Unsubstantiated information from the Republican Party of Wisconsin:

After a series of puff articles over the weekend raving about Senator Barack Obama’s Wisconsin operation, it was discovered Obama actually doesn’t have any campaign offices in the state.

“Perhaps Democrats realize that the most liberal member of the United States Senate is no fit for Wisconsin voters and took their field offices back to Chicago,” said Mark Jefferson, Executive Director of the Republican Party of Wisconsin. “This isn’t the first time the Obama campaign has sought to mislead folks in Wisconsin, and it no doubt won’t be the last.”

Phone numbers listed on the Obama website for Wisconsin campaign offices were discovered to be inoperable this week. Obama’s national campaign said there hasn’t been campaign offices since the state’s February primary and didn’t know when they would reopen.

According to Jefferson, Obama’s visit this week could be to mask his anemic state operation or it might be a farewell visit to the Badger State.

“It will take more than overblown pep rallies to convince Wisconsin voters that Barack Obama shares their values,” Jefferson said. “John McCain has a history of independent leadership that appeals to Wisconsin. Senator Obama has never put partisan interests aside to bring about progress. Maybe that’s why Democrats have to exaggerate their campaign operations.”

Very interesting.

I Demand Photoshop

I figure by the end of this campaign, Obama will have thrown pretty much everyone he knows under the bus. Wouldn't it be great to have a picture of Obama behind the wheel of a bus stuck on a pile of corpses?

Awesome.

Somebody make it. This I command!

Moron Pundit Drools

Bye, guys. It's been fun.
So say the voters at Ace's primary results chat this evening. As Ace said, it was the greatest night of my fly-over-country life as he allowed my bitter, downscale* opinions on the page without moderation. My indispensable knowledge of Northwestern Indiana proved too important.

As it stands, Hillary is up by some 40,000 votes without one vote counted in Lake County. She may pull out a technical win but a margin that small won't come close to mitigating the loss of momentum caused by her shellacking in North Carolina.

She'll stay in the race and attempt to make a fight of it at the convention but if the Democratic elite can't convince her to drop out, the riots will.

In other commentary, Allah finally calls it against the glacier:

Which means she has nothing left to commend her to the supers except an electability argument unsupported by a single key metric or even circumstantial evidence that Pastorgate has done Obama grievous damage at the polls. Are they going to take the nomination from the first serious black candidate for president without any compelling data to hang their decision on? Not a chance. It’s over. Let’s move on.

Honestly, the only reason there's been any coverage of this primary as 'close' is that our cynical media needs ratings to stay high. This has been over since Super Tuesday and everyone that's honestly looked at the numbers has to agree.

Luckily, Obama stands next to no chance of winning any of the major swing states the Democrats need to compete in the general. Ohio, Pennsylvania and Michigan have no great love for Obama and Florida is almost certainly going for McCain. Hell, Maverick is pretty damned popular among "downscale"* voters in Michigan and has a realistic shot at taking that state as well.

I'm sure this won't be called by the time I go to bed but I'm standing by my earlier prediction. The turnout in Lake County will be just enough to hand the state to Obama by several hundred votes. Clinton will stay in the race but nobody, even her, will know why.
* - Explanation of downscale here.

Update: Well, I was wrong. Looks like Clinton hangs on to a slim 15,000 vote victory primarily because Obama only took Lake County 55/45. I'd be shocked if both candidates aren't sending their best people to figure out why a dominantly black county in Chicago's media market gave Obama less support than Marion county and the suburbs of Indianapolis.

No wonder they waited so long to release their totals. They were probably wondering where all the extra Obama votes were.

Reminder for Obama Supporters

In order to mitigate some of the righteous anger you may feel in the unlikely event of defeat at the Democratic Convention or the likely event of defeat in the General Election, I provide the following reminder:

10 barely interested voters still beats 9 rabid, fanatical voters.

Always have, always will.

So, even though McCain may not make girls faint when he talks and I doubt Clinton makes anyone tingle in the pants the vast swath of barely interested America will vote and it will count.

Try to stay calm or the the Dems might get tired of being pushed around by a bunch of mouth breathing, insane, mongoloid fucktards.

P.S.: When Obama loses, I want a montage of his campaign put together to this song:

Two Can't Play At This Game

This picture not only proves I don't have S. Weasel's talent but how very mature my sense of humor is.

I giggled for like 10 minutes.

I Hope You Don't Notice How Often I Change My Tune

I have only been watching politics seriously for little more than a decade but I still have to move Obama ahead of Bill Clinton on the list of opportunistic, poll-driven, snake-oil salesmen politicians.

Dude, holy fucking shit:

Barack Obama, declaring “that’s enough,” denounced Tuesday as “appalling” and “ridiculous” comments made in the last few days by his former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr.

In a press conference in North Carolina, the Illinois senator used his strongest language to date to condemn Wright’s controversial sermons, which have remained a burden to his campaign since they became national news more than a month ago. Wright spoke Monday at The National Press Club in Washington, D.C.

“I am outraged by the comments that were made, and saddened over the spectacle that we saw yesterday,” Obama said.

“The person I saw yesterday was not the person that I met 20 years ago. His comments were not only divisive and destructive, but I believe they ended up giving comfort to those who prey on hate,” he said.

But I THOUGHT:

In my first book, Dreams From My Father, I described the experience of my first service at Trinity:

"People began to shout, to rise from their seats and clap and cry out, a forceful wind carrying the reverend's voice up into the rafters....And in that single note - hope! - I heard something else; at the foot of that cross, inside the thousands of churches across the city, I imagined the stories of ordinary black people merging with the stories of David and Goliath, Moses and Pharaoh, the Christians in the lion's den, Ezekiel's field of dry bones. Those stories - of survival, and freedom, and hope - became our story, my story; the blood that had spilled was our blood, the tears our tears; until this black church, on this bright day, seemed once more a vessel carrying the story of a people into future generations and into a larger world. Our trials and triumphs became at once unique and universal, black and more than black; in chronicling our journey, the stories and songs gave us a means to reclaim memories that we didn't need to feel shame about...memories that all people might study and cherish - and with which we could start to rebuild."

That has been my experience at Trinity. Like other predominantly black churches across the country, Trinity embodies the black community in its entirety - the doctor and the welfare mom, the model student and the former gang-banger. Like other black churches, Trinity's services are full of raucous laughter and sometimes bawdy humor. They are full of dancing, clapping, screaming and shouting that may seem jarring to the untrained ear. The church contains in full the kindness and cruelty, the fierce intelligence and the shocking ignorance, the struggles and successes, the love and yes, the bitterness and bias that make up the black experience in America.

And this helps explain, perhaps, my relationship with Reverend Wright. As imperfect as he may be, he has been like family to me. He strengthened my faith, officiated my wedding, and baptized my children. Not once in my conversations with him have I heard him talk about any ethnic group in derogatory terms, or treat whites with whom he interacted with anything but courtesy and respect. He contains within him the contradictions - the good and the bad - of the community that he has served diligently for so many years.

I can no more disown him than I can disown the black community. I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother - a woman who helped raise me, a woman who sacrificed again and again for me, a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world, but a woman who once confessed her fear of black men who passed by her on the street, and who on more than one occasion has uttered racial or ethnic stereotypes that made me cringe.

So let me get this straight. The endless parade of racist, anti-American, conspiracy-laden soundbites that were available on DVD and spouted EVERY OTHER WEEK in his fucking church weren't enough but now that he's said the same things at a press conference, that's beyond the pale?

Give me a fucking break.

Describe to me exactly the type of person who's twenty-year spiritual mentor marries him to his socialist wife, baptizes his children but doesn't notice that his mentor is a racist, anti-American lunatic. Not a closeted, ashamed racist, anti-American lunatic but the kind that openly professes his hatred and conspiracy theories in public at least twice a month! Describe the type of person who sees a man as family but doesn't know his beliefs in any way.

Would the words dipshit or retard be in the description? How about braindead commie fuck? Asshat enthusiast?

Of course, the media is completely buying it and we shall hear no more about it but even if this story was over, we'd still be eagerly awaiting the explanations for Obamas myriad associations with unrepentant terrorists and communists.

Oh, and way to throw your spiritual mentor under the bus along with your grandmother. I hope she doesn't mind being run over in such close proximity to one of those scary darkies. No wonder Wright is so pissed. I'd feel pretty fucking betrayed too.

Fuck you, Obama. Your shills in the media may be buying your horseshit but I'm not. It's too bad, too. At one point I'd have defended you as, at least, an honest, well-meaning guy.

Now I know the truth; You're just another dirty, opportunistic, Illinois machine politician. I can't wait until you go to prison.

Long Night

I would have posted an Ask a Moron last night but I was delirious with fever so the post might have looked like something on Daily Kos.

Anyway, I'll get to a couple of Ask A Morons before this week is over and I think that Mr. Hussein Obama needs a good foot up the ass, too.

Can you believe the ball girth on that guy? I'm surprised he can find pants. 20 years he spends with Rev. Wright as his spiritual mentor and now he suddenly realizes he's a racist piece of shit? Only now? Don't forget he has now denounced a man he could no sooner denounce than all of black America.

Blacks, your denunciation is in the mail.

And I thought the Clintons were pragmatic.

Obama Spins After Defeat

Destroys several towns in bitter, rural Pennsylvania:

You know, there were a lot of folks who didn't think we could make this a race when it started. They thought we were going to be blown out. But we worked hard, and we traveled across the state to big cities and small towns, to factories and VFW halls. And now, six weeks later, we closed the gap. We rallied people of every age and race and background to the cause. Well, actually, judging by the people standing be hind me, mostly white guys in Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirts. Whatever, fuck you! I need a cigarette.*

Only the Obamessiah could play a rather sturdy defeat (look at this county map to see how racist and bitter those cousin-fuckers were) as a resurgence. Hell, it was a RESURRECTION! He LIVES! HALLELUJAH! Even in defeat we have scored a major victory! There are no American forces in Baghdad! Yes we CAN! Chains we can believe in!

(An aside: Did you see what Michelle Obama was wearing? She must be raiding Bill Ayers' closet for paisley silk shirts because I don't know where you'd buy something so hideous in the present.)

* I may have made up that last bit.

Moron of the Day: Bitter Pill

I know this is very old at this point but as the story didn't even break the day it happened, I figure what's a few more days between friends? The Moron of the Day, of course, is Barack "you're all gun-totin', flag-wavin', immigrant-hatin', bible-thumpin' racists" Obama.

I am pretty sure that I have never seen anything that even approaches this level of stupidity from a candidate in all the years I've been watching the division of showbiz known as politics.

While we don't have video of the event, we do have this picture taken just before Obama gave the speech.

Deep, Hopeful, Transcending Faith

I wonder if watching Obama defend James T. Meeks will elicit Andrew Sullivan the same rapid-fire Obamagasm shudders his defense of Wright produced.

"fighting AIDS without talking against homosexuality is like fighting lung cancer without talking against smoking."

I have never felt more convinced that this man's candidacy - not this man, his candidacy - and what he can bring us to achieve - is an historic opportunity.

I love this country. I don't remember loving it or hoping more from it than today.

Update: Which reminds me of this:

If _______ had done everything exactly the same way ______ but had embraced gay marriage, do you think Andrew Sullivan would still _________?

If Barack Obama had done everything exactly the same way in his race speech but had denounced gay marriage, do you think Andrew Sullivan would still have clusterspooged in his pants so hard he tore a groin muscle?

The Politics of Bullshit

Obama would have left the church has Wright not retired:

Sen. Barack Obama says in an interview scheduled to air on TV Friday that he would have left his church if his pastor had not retired and had not acknowledged making comments that "deeply offended people."

So the man spews racist, anti-American vitriol for 20 years but something he said in the last six months finally pushed Barack over the edge? Finally, words came out that were just over the line.

If this didn't get you out of your seat(not to cheer, you socialist fucktard), I'd really like to see what does cross this line:

Remember that the rubble of the twin towers were still smoldering when he said this. Thousands of American corpses were still buried in the mangled debris. The streets of Manhattan were still grey with the ash of a million shattered dreams.

And this man is celebrating with a public orgasm.

But somehow that wasn't enough to quit the church. What could have caused this change in the last six months? What could Wright have said or done that he hadn't done in the previous decades?

Surely political expediency has nothing to do with it. Clearly not that.

Politics of hope, my ass. It's just standard politics of bullshit.

Obamalypse!

I've got little to say on the fallout from the Messiah's speachifying but I do know that his campaign is pretty much fucked. He may(probably will) win the nomination for the Democrats but if those super-dee-duper delegates go his way they will be making a severe mistake for their party.

Obama has become a catastrophic liability of seemingly unknown proportions. Once again the liberal wing of the liberal wing of the Democratic party hijacked the nomination process without properly vetting their candidate and once again (e.g. Dean, McGovern, Mondale) that candidate's background and bedfellows will make him completely unelectable in November.

The only way Obama could have a chance is if the wholly-owned shills in the media found some way to obscure all of his scandals and questionable allegiances. Leaving aside Chris Matthews' groin tingle and Andrew Sullivan's spasmodic serial orgasms, this makes it pretty clear they are not capable of doing so.

From the array of American flags behind a man who cannot be bothered to recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the cynical tossing of his own grandmother under the bus, Obama presented us with the most cynical, calculated, dishonest political speech of my generation. I always thought Obama was an honest and intelligent man who genuinely believed the socialist propaganda he promoted could heal our souls. Now I'm certain he is no less slimy than Bill Clinton with the added audacity to constantly brow-beat others with the race card while simultaneously defending the most vile racism and anti-Americanism with the same words. Disgusting

Thankfully, the Messiah has been crucified and it was the truth that was his executioner.

Moron of the Day: Number of Orgasms: 3203

Andrew Sullivan's been known to go over the top but it seems that his manlove for Barack Obama has reached stalker proportions:

But I do want to say that this searing, nuanced, gut-wrenching, loyal, and deeply, deeply Christian speech is the most honest speech on race in America in my adult lifetime. It is a speech we have all been waiting for for a generation. Its ability to embrace both the legitimate fears and resentments of whites and the understandable anger and dashed hopes of many blacks was, in my view, unique in recent American history.

Barack, you might want to call your pastor and ask him what he thinks about homosexuality. I bet you might find his answer a bit nuanced for Sullivan's liking.

(h/t: HotAir)

Ask A Moron: Terror in the Oval Office

Chaika writes:

"How 'bout this? A 2-part question. Who, Hillary or Barack, would be more terrifying in the Oval Office if you were:

A. A sworn enemy of the United States;
B. An American taxpayer who wishes to be left alone."

You've come to the right Moron, my friend!

Perspective A: Sworn Enemy of the United States

O.H. Mubarak - Inset: Life partner
Hi, my name is Osama Hussein Mubarak and I'm a shit-eating, goat-fucking effigy burner and while I'm not engaged in grotesque multi-species sex acts with my fellow terrorists, I enjoy possessing women, public stonings and gang rape. I was asked by Moron Pundit to address which Democratic candidate inspires more terror in me as a sworn enemy of the United States and closeted caprasexual (but I repeat myself!).

Hillary Clinton: This infidel woman is often used in my homeland as an explanation of why women must be completely covered. Many suggest that ankles be excepted from the rule but were she to walk down a Bagdhad street in shorts you'd have found your weapons of mass destruction! I kid, I kid! But on a serious note, death to America.

Anyway, she has guaranteed she'd have a plan for the withdrawal of American troops from Iraq within 60 days of being inaugurated but if her execution of that plan is anything like HillaryCare I'm afraid we'd have your pesky Marines in our hair for all eternity. Don't get me wrong, we're eager to be sent to our 72 virgins but could you please have those Marines tone it back a notch. I'm running out of places to stick my falafel if you take my meaning. My chick peas don't paste themselves.

On the other hand, she does seem like a tough bitch and it seems that people that oppose her tend to have mysterious accidents and I can imagine a scenario in which Iran 'falls' and 'runs into a doorknob' because it's 'just so clumsy.' Just saying.

Terror Rating: 4/10

Barack Obama: Perhaps the Barack '08 humper sticker on my camel gives it away but I've really jumped on the Hope and Change bandwagon. He represents our favorite qualities of American society including limitless geopolitical naivety combined with an overwhelming compulsion to identify with victim class ideology. No person in American politics provides us more hope that we can change America into an Islamic theocracy without firing a shot than this yammering used-car salesman. Why, just the other day I was enjoying a post-coital cigarette in bed with my friend Billy G. and I said, "That Obama will really do what it takes to make me love America." Already he's promised to withdraw from Iraq, eviscerate the nation's military, cripple the economy with taxes and regulation while simultaneously circling the globe on his anticipated "Fellate the Dick-tator 09" tour. If he manages to open the border with Mexico and increase trade protectionism the United States will be a third world country faster than you can say "be gentle with that horn, honey." What's not to like?

Oh, we love his wife, too. We'd stone her for being uppity last.

Terror Rating: 0/10

Perspective B: An American Taxpayer Who Wishes to Be Left Alone
Well, as I fit this description perfectly, I've decided to field this one with a simple analogy.
Hillary Clinton's Presidency : Barack Obama's Presidency :: Getting Violently Fucked in the Ass :

• A) Getting Violently Fucked in the Ass


• B) Being Brutally Raped in the Ass


• C) Sitting on a Fire Hydrant


• D) Dating Ryan Seacrest

Take your pick, you're getting stitches either way.

Terror Rating: 10/10

Ministry of Shit Only Retards Can Believe

Rev. Wright is a true patriot:

"The whole point to Dr. Wright's sermons is to how do you make America a better America. If anything he's a true patriot," Hopkins said.

I fail to see how having God damn America (I have to assume he meant that literally as he is a true believer*) would make America better. Maybe he hangs out with Kos diarists (not too big of a fucking stretch, I know) and thinks it would make America better if it invaded and occupied.

Well, I'd like to have it be known that I want Wright's life to be better. God damn Wright. Also, I want the lives of all black Americans to be better. God damn black Americans**.

Fucking ridiculous. What a retarded clown. Him and every one of his asshatted parishioner's.

* - In Black Jeebus.

** - For the irony challenged (i.e. retards), I obviously don't want God to damn black Americans. Like I (or Reverand Footatarian) have the power to call down divine punishment anyway. Besides, calling for the damnation of merely 14% of the American population is surely less controversial than damning all of them.

That's just science.

Update: A similar argument is made here.

Quote of the Day

So anyway. It’s going to be fun having Michelle Obama as first lady. Forget everything I’ve said about McCain and how he’d be a better president. He’s poked conservatives in the eye too many times, you know, and for that we must all be punished with a vacuous, soul-saving, Jesus-complex-having, inexperienced tool of a President. It’ll be fun for my blog, at least until I’m shipped to the nearest Soul-Restoration Gulag where I will enjoy high-quality socialized healthcare while I undergo “training” to finally rid me of all that pesky personal responsibility I burden myself with, at least until Iran starts nuking us. - Rachel Lucas

I got into a rather lengthy conversation about the presidential election at my birthday party on Saturday (no broken bones this time!) in which I was constantly asked "but if Barack Obama gets elected, will he change things?"

Ugh. I estimated that he wouldn't as he'd be inept at Inside-the-Beltway politics and would have too many Clintonista enemies but I fear he'd get just enough of his messianic agenda through to permanently fuck us.

In the ass.

So, I have to reinforce my endorsement of John McCain. Help us Johnny Mac, you're our only hope.

Hey Chaika!

Here is the baby shirt I bought for Luci:



I figured I'd start her off nerdy right away.

Now, can anyone photoshop me a picture of McCain Campaign HQ where there is a Nazi flag with Himmler's face hanging on the wall?

I'd really appreciate it.