Jimmy Carter: Worst Ex-President Ever

After today's sexual healing with Hamas, I've decided it's time to take a photo-journey down memory lane to examine the egregious record set by our 39th President.

Meteors have shitty timing.


Put 'er there, pal!


Photographers were not invited to the imminent fellatio.


It's not just old-school dictators.


I honestly have nothing to say about this.

Can't forget this delightful moment when reality takes the old douchebag by surprise.

Clearly Fake News

Want to know how I'm sure this story is fake?

Sudanese government troops and allied militia on Monday attacked a town belonging to the only Darfur rebel faction to sign a 2006 peace deal, the faction said.

"Government planes have attacked Muhajiriya, which belongs to us, and government forces and Janjaweed militia are fighting our forces," said Khalid Abakar, a senior representative from the Sudan Liberation Army (SLA).

Abakar is from the SLA faction led by Minni Arcua Minnawi, the only one of three rebel negotiating factions to sign a May 2006 peace deal with Khartoum. The movement then became part of the government and control Muhajiriya town in South Darfur.

"We consider this a very serious development," the head of Minnawi's office, Mohamed Bashir, told Reuters.

Because the magical peanut farmer has annointed Sudan with his healing powers and all that Jimmah touches turns to gold. How could anyone even think of fighting after Jimmy Carter has solved their problems. Next you'll tell me that North Korea violated the nuclear agreement and the Palestinians are still splodin' themselves.

Wait, what?