Ask a Moron: Carter's Terrorist Buddies

Old Iron asks: What identified terrorist group has Carter NOT met with?

Well, I consulted the State Departments list of Foreign Terrorist Organizations and I'll be damned if I didn't find a picture of Jimmy Carter getting surprise buttsecks with the leader of every fucking one of them. It looked like I needed to dig a little deeper because I always go the extra mile for a fellow moron.

After much searching in dark archives and catacombs, I found the one global terrorist organization Jimmy Carter seems to have no affiliation with: The United States Government.

I didn't think we were a terrorist state either and I'll admit, my source is dubious at best but he seemed very adamant about it:

I have it on good authority (his) that Douchey McCockwarmer takes it in the rear. NTTAWWT

Anyway, if I didn't count the United States, I'd never have been able to write this post and I can't have that. So, for the sake of this post, let's assume Douchey McCockwarmer is right and Amerikka is eveel.*

Now, I tend to follow the news a lot and it seems like Jimmeh Carter is almost constantly on good-will, peacey-hopey-changey missions abroad in which he fellates terrorists on, I assumed, behalf of the American people. But after doing some research on this topic, I am shocked, shocked to discover that Jimmy Carter has, all these years, been acting without any official sanction from the government whatsoever!

I know, I can hardly believe it myself.

Why, it's almost like that senile, half-a-tard should park his ass down on the nut farm and plow his own ass with a chainsaw instead of legitimizing baby-murdering zealots with taxpayer provided security. Almost.

*- Upon further review, Douchey McCockwarmer is a certified lunatic who gets his news from www.ieatmyownfeceswithaspork.com and should probably be ignored on any topic he happens to start yelling incoherently about. Furthermore, my research has completely exonerated the U.S. government and Israel of all possible accusations of terrorism. The real terrorists are, in fact, those douchebags in the Middle East and, to some extent, elsewhere that insist on butchering innocents to make political statements far above their mental weight class would allow.

In order to keep Ask A Moron a regular feature I need questions from you, my readers. Please put your questions, any question at all, in the comments.

Dissent is Patriotic*

Sedition is not.

* - Not even close to all dissent is patriotic even if it, in some obscure way, seeks to 'better' the country. Only if it seeks to better a country that is already loved and good could it be considered patriotic. If you are practicing dissent from the Michelle Obama School of Backhanded Patriotism, your mileage may vary.

Enroll today! (Click for bigger view)

Proof That Waterboarding Isn't Torture

If the soft-hearted peaceniks at Code Pink are capable of it, it can't be torture. They just don't have it in them. Well, unless you count not bathing.

Fuck You, Hippies!

A true American hero died yesterday. His name was Paul Tibbets and he piloted the Enola Gay (named after his mother), the B-29 that dropped the first atomic bomb on Japan.

His weapon test officer, Morris Jeppson, had this to say:

"It did in fact end the war," Jeppson said. "Ending the war saved a lot of U.S. armed forces and Japanese civilians and military. History has shown there was no need to criticize him."

Indeed, the number of lives saved would have to be counted into the millions. Even John Glenn agrees:

Former U.S. Sen. John Glenn, a former Marine fighter pilot, said people who criticized Tibbets for piloting the plane that dropped the bomb failed to recognize that an allied invasion of Japan, which the bomb helped avert, would have resulted in the deaths of several million people.

"It wasn't his decision. It was a presidential decision, and he was an officer that carried out his duty," Glenn said. "It's a horrible weapon, but war is pretty horrible too."

See, it was a good thing! Too bad there are stupid, stupid hippies that disagree:

"What Mr. Tibbits did should never be forgiven," said Takashi Mukai, whose mother, a nurse, suffered lifelong effects of radiation as she treated bombing victims. "His actions led to the indiscriminate killing of so many, from the elderly to young children.

Fuck you, hippie! In the ass! You're just lucky he did drop that bomb or you most likely would never have existed! If the island hopping campaign was any indication, there wouldn't have been a lot of Japanese people left after an invasion; adult or child. Put down the bong and put on the ball gag.

Now, how tightly did this guy have his head on? This tightly:

Paul Tibbets, who piloted the B-29 bomber Enola Gay that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, died Thursday, leaving behind wishes that he be cremated because he believed a burial site would only give his detractors a place to protest.

As any true American, he hated hippies and their smelly protests. We salute you!

I could have done one better though. He should have been buried on some remote, deserted Pacific atoll.... say... Bikini Atoll. Yeah, that's the ticket. Then when all those hippies show up... WHAM!

Who are we kidding, I couldn't resist...
Rest in peace, General Tibbits.