From Hillary! to Hillary?

The "?" stands for "Is she batshit insane or what?"

Her campaign is renewing the argument that if she leads in the popular vote, she should be the Democratic nominee. Hillary is within striking distance of winning the popular vote nationwide -- a key part of our plan to win the nomination," campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe said in a letter to supporters Sunday.

"That means we need every last vote we can get in West Virginia on
Tuesday and in the races to follow."

Her campaign is trying to turn out the vote in the remaining six contests, hoping the popular vote argument will persuade superdelegates to endorse her instead of Obama.

This, of course, is not going to happen.

No way, no how. If she takes this to the convention, there will be
riots.

I hope Denver paid up its Police Protection tab.

Update: Looks like she's going to take West Virginia today by a ridiculous, ass-stomping margin. Doesn't fucking matter. At all. This is a state that still elects Robert "I'm a fucking Klansman" Byrd to the senate even though he's well past his expiration date.

Also, unlike Pennsylvania or Ohio or Florida or Michigan, this state is completely unimportant in the general election. It is going to McCain. Period.

I'm am, however, beginning to doubt my earlier prediction that she will drop out of the race due to this little McCain/Feingold caveat:

Hillary Clinton may have a financial incentive to remain in the presidential race for a while. And she has Senator John McCain to thank for it.

Clinton loaned her struggling campaign $11 million in recent months. A little-known provision of a 2002 campaign- finance law cosponsored by McCain prevents candidates who drop out of the race from raising money after the nominating conventions to repay themselves for personal loans.

Should Clinton fail to come up with the funds by the Democratic convention in August, she'll be out the $11 million. If she quits the campaign before then, she may find it hard to get people to keep giving cash just so she can retire her debt.

Of course, if this is why she's staying in it means that all donations from now until the end of the campaign are basically charity to the Clintons. I think you know where I stand on that proposition no matter how much Drew M. wants her to win.

Moron Pundit Drools

Bye, guys. It's been fun.
So say the voters at Ace's primary results chat this evening. As Ace said, it was the greatest night of my fly-over-country life as he allowed my bitter, downscale* opinions on the page without moderation. My indispensable knowledge of Northwestern Indiana proved too important.

As it stands, Hillary is up by some 40,000 votes without one vote counted in Lake County. She may pull out a technical win but a margin that small won't come close to mitigating the loss of momentum caused by her shellacking in North Carolina.

She'll stay in the race and attempt to make a fight of it at the convention but if the Democratic elite can't convince her to drop out, the riots will.

In other commentary, Allah finally calls it against the glacier:

Which means she has nothing left to commend her to the supers except an electability argument unsupported by a single key metric or even circumstantial evidence that Pastorgate has done Obama grievous damage at the polls. Are they going to take the nomination from the first serious black candidate for president without any compelling data to hang their decision on? Not a chance. It’s over. Let’s move on.

Honestly, the only reason there's been any coverage of this primary as 'close' is that our cynical media needs ratings to stay high. This has been over since Super Tuesday and everyone that's honestly looked at the numbers has to agree.

Luckily, Obama stands next to no chance of winning any of the major swing states the Democrats need to compete in the general. Ohio, Pennsylvania and Michigan have no great love for Obama and Florida is almost certainly going for McCain. Hell, Maverick is pretty damned popular among "downscale"* voters in Michigan and has a realistic shot at taking that state as well.

I'm sure this won't be called by the time I go to bed but I'm standing by my earlier prediction. The turnout in Lake County will be just enough to hand the state to Obama by several hundred votes. Clinton will stay in the race but nobody, even her, will know why.
* - Explanation of downscale here.

Update: Well, I was wrong. Looks like Clinton hangs on to a slim 15,000 vote victory primarily because Obama only took Lake County 55/45. I'd be shocked if both candidates aren't sending their best people to figure out why a dominantly black county in Chicago's media market gave Obama less support than Marion county and the suburbs of Indianapolis.

No wonder they waited so long to release their totals. They were probably wondering where all the extra Obama votes were.

Long Night

I would have posted an Ask a Moron last night but I was delirious with fever so the post might have looked like something on Daily Kos.

Anyway, I'll get to a couple of Ask A Morons before this week is over and I think that Mr. Hussein Obama needs a good foot up the ass, too.

Can you believe the ball girth on that guy? I'm surprised he can find pants. 20 years he spends with Rev. Wright as his spiritual mentor and now he suddenly realizes he's a racist piece of shit? Only now? Don't forget he has now denounced a man he could no sooner denounce than all of black America.

Blacks, your denunciation is in the mail.

And I thought the Clintons were pragmatic.

Ask A Moron: Terror in the Oval Office

Chaika writes:

"How 'bout this? A 2-part question. Who, Hillary or Barack, would be more terrifying in the Oval Office if you were:

A. A sworn enemy of the United States;
B. An American taxpayer who wishes to be left alone."

You've come to the right Moron, my friend!

Perspective A: Sworn Enemy of the United States

O.H. Mubarak - Inset: Life partner
Hi, my name is Osama Hussein Mubarak and I'm a shit-eating, goat-fucking effigy burner and while I'm not engaged in grotesque multi-species sex acts with my fellow terrorists, I enjoy possessing women, public stonings and gang rape. I was asked by Moron Pundit to address which Democratic candidate inspires more terror in me as a sworn enemy of the United States and closeted caprasexual (but I repeat myself!).

Hillary Clinton: This infidel woman is often used in my homeland as an explanation of why women must be completely covered. Many suggest that ankles be excepted from the rule but were she to walk down a Bagdhad street in shorts you'd have found your weapons of mass destruction! I kid, I kid! But on a serious note, death to America.

Anyway, she has guaranteed she'd have a plan for the withdrawal of American troops from Iraq within 60 days of being inaugurated but if her execution of that plan is anything like HillaryCare I'm afraid we'd have your pesky Marines in our hair for all eternity. Don't get me wrong, we're eager to be sent to our 72 virgins but could you please have those Marines tone it back a notch. I'm running out of places to stick my falafel if you take my meaning. My chick peas don't paste themselves.

On the other hand, she does seem like a tough bitch and it seems that people that oppose her tend to have mysterious accidents and I can imagine a scenario in which Iran 'falls' and 'runs into a doorknob' because it's 'just so clumsy.' Just saying.

Terror Rating: 4/10

Barack Obama: Perhaps the Barack '08 humper sticker on my camel gives it away but I've really jumped on the Hope and Change bandwagon. He represents our favorite qualities of American society including limitless geopolitical naivety combined with an overwhelming compulsion to identify with victim class ideology. No person in American politics provides us more hope that we can change America into an Islamic theocracy without firing a shot than this yammering used-car salesman. Why, just the other day I was enjoying a post-coital cigarette in bed with my friend Billy G. and I said, "That Obama will really do what it takes to make me love America." Already he's promised to withdraw from Iraq, eviscerate the nation's military, cripple the economy with taxes and regulation while simultaneously circling the globe on his anticipated "Fellate the Dick-tator 09" tour. If he manages to open the border with Mexico and increase trade protectionism the United States will be a third world country faster than you can say "be gentle with that horn, honey." What's not to like?

Oh, we love his wife, too. We'd stone her for being uppity last.

Terror Rating: 0/10

Perspective B: An American Taxpayer Who Wishes to Be Left Alone
Well, as I fit this description perfectly, I've decided to field this one with a simple analogy.
Hillary Clinton's Presidency : Barack Obama's Presidency :: Getting Violently Fucked in the Ass :

• A) Getting Violently Fucked in the Ass


• B) Being Brutally Raped in the Ass


• C) Sitting on a Fire Hydrant


• D) Dating Ryan Seacrest

Take your pick, you're getting stitches either way.

Terror Rating: 10/10

Cutesy Questions

When did asking a politician a yes or no question become 'cutesy?:'

“I had the feeling that at the end of that last debate we were about to get into cutesy land again,” [Bill]Clinton told some 3,000 members of the American Postal Worker’s Union at a convention.

[...]

“It’s fine for Hillary and all the other Democrats to discuss Governor Spitzer’s plan. But not in 30 seconds — yes, no, raise your hand,” he said.

Forgive me if I lack nuance but isn't the very purpose of a debate to determine in which manner a politician would vote on any given issue? Isn't a yes or no answer precisely what we want and deserve?

When sitting with my friends debating it is rarely that simple as we get into the meat of an issue. There are so many angles of attack you use when trying to find your opinion and while this particular issue would be an easy 'no' for me there are many that I would need more than thirty seconds to explain and end up with 'I don't know' as my answer. That's fine for a moron rube like me.

But I'm not a politician. I'm a moron. Hillary Clinton is running for President of the United States. Isn't it the very job description of a politician to make yes or no decisions on policy? I know this may be simplistic but doesn't voting on a bill basically reduce that issue to a yes or no (wide) stance? Isn't deciding to veto a bill a yes or no position? Is it too much to ask that a politician be asked these simple fucking questions during debates and that they then in turn provide a simple fucking answer? Aren't we owed that? Can't we ask a simple fucking question without Billy Jeff taking time off from banging whores in South Beach to bite his lip and wag his finger at us?

I guess I just have this zany expectation that a politician running for the most powerful position in the world, someone who spends every waking hour preparing and planning for that election, would have spent the time to iron out something as basic as whether illegal immigrants should be given official state documents. Furthermore I expect to not be lectured by a philandering bullshit artist who can't keep his pants because I have the audacity to demand a clear answer to a question a four year old could answer.

Call me crazy.

Republicans Down - Democrats Still Kicking

Via Hot Air, I see that the GOP may be down to as few as 39 Senate seats after next year:

Just spoke to a former GOP Hill aide who has served longer with conservative Members than almost anyone else I know. He is a solid conservative who tends toward the pessimistic view of things but still. . . He thinks that there could be as few as 39 Republican Senators after next year's elections. "If we're lucky, we'll lose only 9," he says. Jeez.

Combine that with an almost automatic victory for Hillary "Money Bags" Clinton and you've got some sexy socialism coming to a welfare line near you. I mean, with a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate and a clear majority in the House, the sky's the limit on sweeping social engineering.

I just can't wait to be unemployed.