You Can't Make This Up

Who said this?

Turkey has a legitimate right to stage a cross-border offensive against Kurdish rebels based in Iraq.

Would you believe Syria's Assad? Believe it.

If that is the case, then Lebanon and Israel and Iraq should all have a legitimate right to stage cross-border offensives against Syria right? After all, there are untold thousands of terrorists pouring out of that country on a daily basis.

I'll remember this next time Israel needs to smack Syria down.

Irantarctica

Ahmadinejad says the Zionist Entity should be relocated to Alaska or Canada. On first blush, it seems like just another staggeringly racist, hate-filled recommendation broadcasting the stated desire of Iran's leadership to completely destroy Israel and finish what Hitler started.

But let's not jump to conclusions. I think the odious nature of the statement obscures a massive opportunity in this suggestion. Once the Israelis are out, we can really start nuking. I mean, really saturation nuke the bastards. Think about it. We could just hurl missile after fucking missile into the zone without worrying that our allies in Israel would be horribly irradiated.

What? The Saudis are our allies? Iraq too? Well, maybe we can just move them to Canada, too. Hell, why not solve every international problem by relocating the inhabitants to some frigid wasteland half way around the world.

Wait a minute. I think I'm on to something. Instead of moving the Israelis off their tiny, historical homeland, why don't we relocate the rest of the Middle East to Antarctica. There they can frollick and suicide bomb and chant 'Death to America' to their heart's content without being irritated by the presence of a few million jews a thousand miles away. Win freakin' win.

I await my Nobel Peace Prize.