World's Sexiest Newscaster

I'm not sure I agree with this but I can tell you who it's not. Greta Van Susteren:

Sorry about the retinal damage - Ed.
I try not to make fun of people based solely on appearance but considering that I hate her 'newscasting' in every way, it is fair game. Every time I see her trucker mouth talking sideways about missing children I feel like headbutting a stucco wall.

Anyway, here is my vote for hottest newscaster:


Julie Banderas from Fox News. Yowza.

Ask a Moron: Bush Causes Hurricanes Not Cyclones

Alice H. asks - Is Cyclone Nargis getting less press, despite it's massively huge death toll, because it's harder to blame Bush for something that happened halfway around the world?

As we all know, everything bad that happens, whether by action or inaction, is Bush's fault. The problem the media runs into is how to frame this argument when the event is:

• A) An Act of God


• B) All the way around the world


• C) responded to by Bush with a strong diplomatic push to allow a torrent of government and charitable aid into the stricken areas.

This presents quite a quandary. What to do?

Why, what they always do. Attempt to ignore it completely. Problem is, death tolls of 100,000 or more tend to demand public attention to some level or another. In order to maintain the charade of neutrality a news organization must occasionally pad their 24/7 Bushilter programming with some, you know, actual news.

If you remember, they had the same panicked feeling about the tsunami and the shuttle disaster. For the first few hours of coverage they reported it almost completely straight while their top journalistic minds attempted to find some angle with which to pin the blame on Bush. You could almost see the tear run down their faces when they realized there was not even a stretch move to be made.

Poor bastards.

That's why I get all my news from the Moronosphere. We may be stupid but at least we're honest. You know, like retards.

P.S.: I know I'm in the middle of a big Ask A Moron but that's going to take a week or more and this one was pretty topical. Besides, Alice rules.

In order to keep Ask A Moron a regular feature I need questions from you, my readers. Please put your questions, any question at all, in the comments or e-mail them to me at the address on the sidebar.

Oboners And McGaffes

Once again stupid political partisans are trying to score political points by overblowing the importance of simple misstatements by the candidates and Ace does a pretty good job of explaining why this shit doesn't matter in the fucking slightests:

This crap is so obvious I'm disgusted I have to explain it. Everyone in the MSM knows this. They make their jobs writing and they know how brain-fart typos occur. They know they mean to write "conscious" but somehow the fingers trip out the word "conscience" anyhow, or vice versa.

Or even, for me, "concussion" on occasion. The Stupid Brain does the best it can, after all.

And yet here were are.

Of course, they've been pulling this retarded trick for a decade against Bush and his "Bushisms" going so far as to start a daily blog that should have been called "This is a stretch."

My question to the media is this: Have you ever talked to a human being in your life? People aren't flawless robots regurgitating encyclopedia entries at light speed. Their brains are flawed and make mistakes. How can you not know this?

Of course, they do know this. That is why they'll take a very excusable gaffe by McCain and feed a herd of cattle but attempt to underplay and trivialize intentional statements by Democrats that are far more ludicrous and, dare I say, fucking ignorant.

The Deciders: All the news that's fit to convince you to DO AS WE SAY.

Top Ten MainStream Media (The Deciders) Slogans

• 10. Where more people get there news than probably should.*


• 9. Hour fact-checking am weigh better then hour editing.


• 8. A thousand unidentified stringers can't be wrong.


• 7. We're not biased, we're right.


• 6. A Photoshop is worth a thousand words.


• 5. Of course it's more important when pretty people die.


• 4. If we don't say Republican just make an assumption.


• 3. Let us tell you how the economy is doing.


• 2. We know the Military: We watched M.A.S.H.


• 1. Because blogs are free and you get what you pay for.

Bias? Not at the New York Times!

We all know it takes the media a lot of extra effort and time to designate the political party of scandal participants. Imagine my shock when I saw this in the first sentence of a story:

The former treasurer of a Republican Congressional fund-raising committee may have stolen hundreds of thousands of dollars by submitting elaborately forged audit reports for five years using the letterhead of a legitimate auditing firm, a lawyer for the committee said Thursday.

No liberal bias here. I wonder how their circulation is doing. Good thing they want lower circulation.

That's a Great Reason!

An incredulous Henry Gomez:

Smoking gun evidence about how the mainstream media and particularly CNN, which we have always referred to as the castro news network, is trying to sanitize castro's legacy, EVEN NOW!

As if health care and education were a good enough excuse to violate human rights. We have to be fair now don't we?

Of course CNN believes health care and education are good enough excuses to violate human rights. They and their Democratic overlords believe just that. If you doubt me just imagine the laws and regulations we'll be dealing with after we have universal health care imposed on us allowing the government to tell you what to eat, drink, where to walk and where to live in order to keep costs down.

Not a human rights violation? Well, wait until people start to rebel against the system. Then you'll get them. Bunches of them.