Monday, April 28, 2008

Moron of the Day: Wesley Snipes

I know this is old but I just can't get over how fucking delicious this story is. It reminds me that the Federal government isn't just a faceless amalgamation of witless bureaucrats but also, from time to time, is staffed with magnificent bastards.

For those of you that don't know, magnificent bastards are total cockfaces that live to infuriate others but do it in such an amusing and poetic manner that you have to smile. Here's one of my favorite examples:

We all know the story but here's a recap:
Mr. Snipes, who was convicted in February, received one year for each count, to be served consecutively, and an additional year of probation. The sentence was handed down by Judge William Terrell Hodges of Federal District Court.

Mr. Snipes, who apologized for his actions before the sentence was announced, showed no immediate reaction to the verdict.

Judge Hodges allowed Mr. Snipes and a co-defendant, Douglas Rosile, to remain free on bond until they were summoned by either the United States Marshals Service or the Federal Bureau of Prisons.

The sentencing came at the end of a daylong hearing in which lawyers for Mr. Snipes argued for leniency while federal prosecutors sought the maximum penalty possible.

The case was the most prominent tax prosecution since the billionaire hotelier Leona Helmsley was convicted of tax fraud in 1989. Mr. Snipes, who has built a worldwide following acting in films like the “Blade” vampire trilogy, must pay up to $17 million in back taxes plus penalties and interest.

Now, my favorite part of this story is that Wesley Snipes attempted to earn leniency by paying off a portion of his debt:
Mr. Snipes even tried to make a down payment on his taxes before sentencing; his legal team offered Judge Hodges three checks totaling $5 million.

Judge Hodges refused the checks, saying he did not have the authority to accept them. Prosecutors also declined to accept the checks. An Internal Revenue Service employee eventually accepted the checks on behalf of the Treasury Department.

I love it. He tries to buy them off and at first the government acts like itself, retarded and incapable of making a decision. Then, some overachiever (by Fed standards) realized that the motherfucker had to pay them the money anyway and that his paying in no way mitigated the crime he had committed. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when he has a private word with his attorneys.

The judge gets a good jab in, too:
Mr. Snipes’s legal team also questioned the validity of federal sentencing guidelines. At one point, one of his lawyers, Carmen Hernandez, described herself as “an expert on sentencing.”

Judge Hodges replied, “If I may be so bold, I’ve also had some experience with that.”


Now, I was upset I didn't get a chance to post this until today but I'm glad I waited because we now have definitive proof that Snipes could have played the insane card. He wants to serve his term in New Fucking Jersey.

Case closed.

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