Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Moron of the Day: Zero Carbon Footprint

These fucktards really do want to return to the dark ages:

Strapping a queen-size mattress to a bike trailer with bungee cords and straps Saturday morning, Colin Stevens says not to worry.

It looks like a giant stingray perched on a deck of cards, its wingspan hovering above thin air. But he's done this before -- moving his own bed by bicycle -- so he knows it works.

"I've acquired a nickname from some people - 'Haulin' Colin,'" said Stevens, a car-free welder who tows salvaged material behind him on his bike.

That was just one of the human-powered vehicles Central Area residents Joe Goldberg and Venessa Brown used to ferry all their belongings in a "zero-carbon move" this weekend.

Their goal: move a household of two adults and five-year-old twin boys without burning fossil fuels that contribute to global warming.

We'll leave aside for the moment that the Earth has been cooling for a decade and is likely to continue for at least another.
I'd like to take issue with the moronic belief that their bike-riding hijinks didn't "[burn] fossil fuels that contribute to global warming."
First, the various compounds used to produce his bike required enormous amounts of CO2 be produced.  How about the tires?  I hate to report that those are made from oil and had to be processed at great expense to poor, desperate Gaia.  Also, I wonder, did this drooling shitwit grow all of his own tofu and granola?  No?  Was it... imported?  He looks like he's burning a lot of calories!
The worst part, of course, is the implication that we should all return to a world where we needed to physically haul our belongings around like pioneers in covered wagons.  Well, they may not mind if BILLIE DIED OF CHOLERA or YOU FORDED THE COLORADO RIVER:  You lost 3 Wagon Wheels, 2 Axles, 23 Pounds of Food, Jane Died, Cletus Died but I most certainly do. 
This weekend I'll be using a truck and trailer to get my shit from A to B, thank you very much. 
(h/t: Alice H., a person who would have the greatest blog in the world with her sources but seems content to pawn stories off on other bloggers.) 


Alice H said...

I can only write something remotely coherent about once a month.

Plus you're ignoring the fact that my photoblog is the greatest blog ever.

I honestly have to wonder if the real cause of the oil crisis is all the plastic toys kids keep getting in their Happy Meals. And the little plastic plugs that Charbux has started putting in the holes of their coffee cups to keep one's grande 2 percent half-caf double latte from sloshing all over one's car seats. (and why they feel the need to put these in kids' milk cups, when the point is just sharp enough to cause damage to an eye, and the drink's likely to be consumed in a car where things bounce around, is beyond me.)

Now there's another Moron question for you! :D

Have fun moving. I don't envy you.

Old Iron said...

Not to mention that the rubber solse of his shoes are petrol-based, as is the plastic of his sun glasses...

But the one thing that makes the smallest "carbon footprint" of them all that this idiot needs the most is either a fucking suppository or a SHITLOAD of fibre.

-And you can bet that no one is helping this douche wad. I bet he doesn't even have beer and pizza at his house.

Moron Pundit said...

Pizza is a tool of the GAIA RAPERS!!!!!1

And yes, Iron, I'll be buying pizza and beer soon for obvious reasons.

It is the universal currency of moving help.

Gudis said...

All this bullshit to avoid making a bigger "carbon footprint" and he's a fucking welder? Most welding units I'm familiar with suck down 220VAC electricity or big tanks of acetylene.

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