Thursday, April 24, 2008

Ask a Moron: Carter's Terrorist Buddies

Old Iron asks: What identified terrorist group has Carter NOT met with?

Well, I consulted the State Departments list of Foreign Terrorist Organizations and I'll be damned if I didn't find a picture of Jimmy Carter getting surprise buttsecks with the leader of every fucking one of them. It looked like I needed to dig a little deeper because I always go the extra mile for a fellow moron.

After much searching in dark archives and catacombs, I found the one global terrorist organization Jimmy Carter seems to have no affiliation with: The United States Government.

I didn't think we were a terrorist state either and I'll admit, my source is dubious at best but he seemed very adamant about it:

I have it on good authority (his) that Douchey McCockwarmer takes it in the rear. NTTAWWT

Anyway, if I didn't count the United States, I'd never have been able to write this post and I can't have that. So, for the sake of this post, let's assume Douchey McCockwarmer is right and Amerikka is eveel.*

Now, I tend to follow the news a lot and it seems like Jimmeh Carter is almost constantly on good-will, peacey-hopey-changey missions abroad in which he fellates terrorists on, I assumed, behalf of the American people. But after doing some research on this topic, I am shocked, shocked to discover that Jimmy Carter has, all these years, been acting without any official sanction from the government whatsoever!

I know, I can hardly believe it myself.

Why, it's almost like that senile, half-a-tard should park his ass down on the nut farm and plow his own ass with a chainsaw instead of legitimizing baby-murdering zealots with taxpayer provided security. Almost.

*- Upon further review, Douchey McCockwarmer is a certified lunatic who gets his news from www.ieatmyownfeceswithaspork.com and should probably be ignored on any topic he happens to start yelling incoherently about. Furthermore, my research has completely exonerated the U.S. government and Israel of all possible accusations of terrorism. The real terrorists are, in fact, those douchebags in the Middle East and, to some extent, elsewhere that insist on butchering innocents to make political statements far above their mental weight class would allow.

In order to keep Ask A Moron a regular feature I need questions from you, my readers. Please put your questions, any question at all, in the comments.

3 comments:

Old Iron said...

Where the hell did you get that pic?

-Priceless.

bmac said...

Ok, Ummm....

If your driving at the speed of light (let's assume you could drive a car at the speed of light), and you turn your headlights on, will anything happen?

Moron Pundit said...

Iron, I was looking for the most deranged protester I could find that called America a terrorist state.

That one... well, I had no doubt the second I found it.