Priorities

This guy had them straight:

A German man was such an avid collector of weapons and other paraphernalia that he ran out of space at home and had to sleep in a hotel, neighbors said following the 71-year-old's death.

Executors found an arsenal of weaponry and assorted goods at the man's two-story home in the western city of Aachen, police said on Wednesday.

"There were 71 guns -- one for each year of his life," said police spokesman Paul Kemen. "He also had 41 cases of ammunition and five walking sticks fitted with retractable blades."

And this is interesting:

No heirs have yet been found for the man, police said.

Looks like it is time for a name change and a flight to Aachen. I need to get my inherit on.

The Complicated Math of an Indirect Ace-o-lanche

Yesterday I noticed I had received about sixty hits in a few hours (4 returning! Thanks, Mom!) and decided to investigate. Imagine my shock when I saw referrals from doubleplusundead had gone through the roof as well as some traffic from Conservative Belle (well, hello there!).

Well, it appears that Ace has finally discovered his 10,000 retard choir and sent some traffic down stream. Some portion of that traffic, in turn, clicked through to my site and saw a picture of an Oreo cookie, thus realizing they had come to the wrong place.

So, the real question is: If I got 66 hits from Conservative Belle and doubleplusundead, how many people come through on a full, real Ace-o-lanche?

Placing the number 66 and 2 into my laziness engine gives me a rough estimate of 1 BILLION HITS! PER HOUR!!!!11

Well, where would Ace get so much traffic to send downstream?

That's right, China.

Thus, I am forced to conclude that Ace is a paid operative of the Chinese government tasked with providing Paul Anka and Hoagie agitprop to their sequestered population.

Think about it, the Chinese have no love for tall, blonde Scandinavians and clearly the Chinese government want's everything done Their Way.

Very clever Mr. Spades ... very clever. Too bad the laziness engine never lies.

Evidence Mounting

Has Charlie Sheen slept with every hooker in America?

Missed Opportunity Update: I definitely should have titled this post "Mounting Evidence" considering "Kristen's" place of honor at the center of a federal investigation. Fuckity Fuck.

Missed Opportunity Update Again: I'm really off my game today. I clearly should have described "Kristen's" place of honor as being "bent over the table" of a federal investigation. Good thing I never claimed to be anything more than a simple moron with a keyboard.

I'll Have What She's Having

This is the greatest thing I've read all day:

No, I’m talking about the pain I feel every day when I sit here and read stories in the press that don’t jibe with what my own eyes and ears tell me, or when I see the press completely fall in line with a narrative (”Bush wants little children to get sick and die”) that is intellectually insulting and untruthful, and never ask a politician, “hey, why are you suggesting that 25 year olds are ‘children,’ and how can you say he’s cutting the program when he’s trying to add 4 million poor kids to it” why doesn’t someone like Russert ever say stuff like that to anyone? Why have journalism and politics and the academy all sunken into a kind of vague slog whereby every piece of reality and history is laid onto a stagnant wadi of settled muck that we all have to haul ourselves through, every day, until we’re all so tired of it and looking for a way out of it or a stupid distraction that we - everyday - allow more and more to be lain on the muck and absorbed and distorted and finally disregarded because one can’t possibly keep track of everything. The sheer volume of added muckery each day overwhelms and thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought and enterprises of great pith and moment with this regard their currents turn awry…and lose the name…of action. I love Hamlet. God, I wish I could write like that. I wish I could just write at all. I wish I could drown in such words.

Nevermind. It doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matter. As Bill Murray advised in Meatballs: “it just doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matter. Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days - even if God in heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field - even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win it just wouldn’t matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Camp Mohawk because they’ve got all the money! It just doesn’t matter if we win or we lose. It just doesn’t matter!”

Heh. MacBeth and Meatballs, do you see the crap that rolls around in my head at any given moment and how the sublime lies immediately akin to the ridiculous and it all crashes together into a roiling cacophony that leaves me stupid and paralyzed and thus conscience makes cowards of us all? Am I an unholy mess of a girl or what? “An unholy mess of a girl,” one of my favorite lines from The Philadelphia Story. James Stewart, Katharine Hepburn, Cary Grant why don’t they make movies like that anymore? With actors that likable? Ah, well…it just doesn’t matter.

She's right. Muscle relaxers are niiiiiice.

Worst D&D Monsters Ever

Thanks to Ace, I get to revel in TSR/WOTC's biggest mistakes.

Japanese National Wins Rubik's Cube Challenge, Defies Laws of Physics

12.46 seconds:

Japan's Yu Nakajima won the Rubik's Cube World Championships on Sunday in Budapest, the birthplace of the cult puzzle. Nakajima averaged 12.46 seconds in arranging the six different colours of the six-sided classic 3x3 cube, which has nine panels on each side to arrange.

He beat Andrew Kang of the United States and Mitsuki Gunji, a fellow Japanese national.

But Frenchman Thibaut Jacquinot still holds the world record of 9.86 seconds in the classic 3x3 event, which he set last May.

Completing a a Rubik's cube in under 10 seconds? I can't put on pants in under ten seconds.

Exit Question: Why did these people sell their souls for that ability? Wouldn't wealth or fame be more logical?

That Magical Word

You want to know the secret of the blogosphere?

The word 'pundit.'

Throughout time, blogs with the word pundit in their titles have been propelled without delay to the highest echelons of blogdom. Why?

The Puppy Blender can't resist.

Don't believe me?

Gateway Pundit, Patio Pundit, Daily Pundit, IsntaPundit (we miss you dipnut), Publius Pundit, BarcePundit, Future Pundit and so on. It is only a matter of time before I join this pantheon of bloggy goodness.

I eagerly await my fame and adulation.