tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46462029485756355512024-03-13T05:30:37.450-05:00Moron PunditEver looked around the blogosphere and thought, "There has to be something better out there." Well, this isn't it.
This site is about morons and it takes one to know one.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger342125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-88295586690254312422008-09-30T07:02:00.001-05:002008-09-30T07:02:52.043-05:00Dear America: Everything you learned in Kindergarten is wrong.<p>Recently, it has become obvious that there are serious structural problems in our financial system. Of course, the cause of this mess is a string of congressional dictates to mortgage lenders ordering them to give loans to dangerously underqualified people. Apparently, requiring your applicants to meet basic requirements like having a job and a credit history is racist and the whole system is racist and you're a racist and fuck racists (you). </p> <p>Anyway, what really is pissing me off is that the preening cocks that caused this mess like Obama and Dodd and Barney "I love to ram Lenin's shellacked fist up my ass" Frank are getting away with telling us that the big banks "ripped off the American people." Now, he's a politician and his job is to lie to you but I'm just a ranting internet 'personality' so I'm going to level with you. </p> <p>This mess is your fault. </p> <p>I'm not saying that every voter in America is directly responsible but by the election choices we've made and the financial choices a large number of us have made, we've gotten ourselves into this mess. Deep down, you know it the Democrats are feeding you a line of bullshit. You know that "the man" isn't the reason these banks are in trouble. You know that the financial institutions didn't 'rip off the American people.' In fact, it is exactly the opposite. The American people voted for socialist weasels who forced them to give money to borrowers that didn't deserve it. The American people ripped off the large banks. </p> <p>This brings me to the real reason I'm pissed off. Obama is going to get away with it. Obama and his ultra-liberal allies (who <em>fucking caused this</em>) are going to be allowed to lie to your faces about what happened here because 40 years of hippie bullshit has finally corrupted the smart part of your brains. The part of you that accepts responsibility for your own stupidity has been overwhelmed by decades of mottos and sayings and beliefs so fucking stupid that only intellectuals and people with bong resin for blood could believe them. Well, until they were repeated so many times that even the average American believes them without thinking about it.</p> <p><em>Fucking hippies</em></p> <p>I'm going to go through some of the stupidest sayings we've all heard a thousand times and explain why they're fucking stupid. Then I'm going to yell at you a bit more about how we all need to accept responsibility for our selfish, stupidity and stop blaming people more successful than us for our failings. Sorry, everybody, you aren't the smartest or the fastest or the most talented and, for that reason, you don't deserve the success your betters enjoy. I know it isn't fair. Life isn't. </p> <p><strong>Money Isn't Everything</strong></p> <p>Of course it is. If you don't believe it is, you're functionally retarded. Now look, I agree, small squares of green paper with dead people printed on them aren't everything. The number in your bank account isn't everything. Being able to buy a solid-gold house or a rocket car isn't everything. But the economy <em>is</em> everything. </p> <p>Yes, <em>everything</em>. </p> <p>Economics is the study of how people use a limited number of resources to fulfill an unlimited demand for them. The best way humanity has ever found to disperse these items in a relatively fair way is to use money. Money is a placeholder that allows you to specialize in juggling and exchange that juggling for food. Were there no money it would be difficult to walk into a grocery store and attempt to trade your ball-handling for a sandwich. I'd call the cops. </p> <p>What money represents is everything. It isn't just a way to buy things, it represents the only thing of any value in the world: your time. Every minute you work for a paycheck is represented by that number in your bank account. The very essence of your existence is stuffed haphazardly in your wallet. This is why hippie arguments that you shouldn't be so fucking upset about raising taxes because "its only money" are so retarded. It isn't only money. It is your life. </p> <p>When asked if I would shoot a man who was trying to steal my TV, I say yes because that TV isn't just a thing. It is time. It is a portion of my life I can never get back and the piece of shit stealing it is so useless as a human being that he can't convert his own time into a TV without stealing mine. I say the world is better off without him. And it is better off without this ridiculous belief that money isn't important. It is <em>crucial</em>. It is the only thing, just like winning. Which brings me to...</p> <p><strong>It doesn't matter if you win or lose, its how you play the game.</strong></p> <p>Fuck that hippie bullshit. </p> <p>I'm not saying that winning is everything in trivial pursuits like sports or rock-paper-scissors competitions but let's not get crazy and say that winning doesn't matter. Winning is obviously critical to the very nature of human interaction and life and everything else. Winning is fucking 42 and if you don't believe that, you probably suck.</p> <p>Look, at some point children (and slowly developing adults) need to learn that the world isn't on your team. Karma isn't your buddy and luck isn't going to give you a reach around no matter how many times you have that slut at the casino "blow" on your "dice." The only way to succeed in life is to charge headlong into the delight that is human competition and eke out your share of the pie. Without any doubt, there is plenty to go around but if you go through life thinking you deserve something, you're going to end up a loser or bringing all of humanity down with you like these retards buying 300,000 dollar houses when they work at McDonald's. </p> <p>I know competition is hard and it is depressing when you lose but...</p> <p><strong>Do What Makes You Happy</strong></p> <p>Does anyone seriously think this is a way to go through life? Are the concepts of duty and honor and sacrifice so completely dead in this country that anybody can envision a life dedicated solely to the pursuit of his own happiness? While it is clear from the recent market disruptions that the vast majority of people do not understand the consequences their actions have on others, it is even more disturbing that the few that do understand seem completely dedicated to denying it or at least dodging responsibility for it.</p> <p>Of course, the hippies always were most dedicated to avoiding responsibility. They didn't want to fight for a country that gave them everything so they dodged the draft. They didn't want to study important skills society needed so they invented women's studies and sociology (for more on my desperate hatred of sociology, look at Moron Pundit.) They didn't want to deal with a reality that wasn't perfect so they spent most of their time swimming in a cloud of 'mind-expanding' chemicals. They didn't want to deal with the responsibility and challenge of relationships and family so they preached free love. In every conceivable way, the hippies were as useless as a human being can become. </p> <p>And yet, prevailing conventional wisdom somehow contends that a music festival like Woodstock was socially important. Fucking ridiculous. Woodstock was one of the most amazing displays of hubris, laziness and selfish waste in history and those pieces of shit have the audacity to call Wall Street bankers selfish? Do you think the traders that killed themselves on Black Tuesday did it because they lost their own money? Only someone with no understanding of honor and duty could believe that. They jumped because they couldn't face the shame and horror of telling thousands of people that they didn't have their money. </p> <p>And make no mistake, as much as I understand that the CEO's of AIG and Lehmans are rich beyond my wildest dreams, they do understand duty and responsibility. It is that understanding that makes the leader of a company like AIG go to the government and <em>beg them</em> to take a controlling interest in what is, by all measures, the sum total of his life out of his hands. </p> <p>Of course, the people that took the loans that spurred this disaster along with the (perhaps) well-meaning politicians that forced the banks to create this environment simply don't understand how the world works. How goods and services exchange hands. How the entirety of reality actually works. If they did, they certainly wouldn't think that a poor person with a bad credit history should EVER EVER EVER get a home loan. An honest, responsible person confronted with the ability to take a loan in that circumstance would also want the bank to reject them. But for some reason, these people seem to have no knowledge of the consequences of failure to repay not only to themselves but to everyone around them. Each of these people, and to a large extent most people in the country, seem to operate as if they live in a vacuum. They make choices following this holiest of the hippie doctrines: make yourself happy. Do what you want to do. Who cares if the person that built your house doesn't get paid or the man who wants to get a loan next year can't because the mortgage company is in bankruptcy. Not you. You got your free house and fuck everyone else. Well, fuck you and fuck your stupid idiology. I'm not sure who's more useless, the person preaching this bullshit or the person that manages to believe it. </p> <p>Unfortunately, we'll never have a politician that tells you how fucking selfish you are because they want you to like them. Too bad that most Americans have lost what seems to be the most important grown-up skill of all, being able to accept when they don't deserve something they want.</p> <p><strong>Free Love</strong></p> <p>I touched on this above but it deserves a little extra wrath of its own. Many debates in this country rage because of many people's retarded belief that love is what really matters in civilization. Love is great, don't get me wrong and it is clearly a driving factor in the progress of the human species but it is only useful when coupled with dedication and commitment. Debates about gay marriage, abortion and welfare are all based on a belief that the one thing we mustn't do is interfere with people's ability to love who they want how they want. Unfortunately, society is not helped in any way by love but instead the bonds of family created when love is stable and permanent. </p> <p>While I don't particularly care if gays are allowed to get married or not, I know that they have consistently made a very stupid argument in its favor; namely that if two people love each other it should be allowed. I ask again, what the fuck does the government care about your love? It doesn't. It cares about a stable environment to raise healthy, productive children who in turn can create healthy, productive families of their own. Again, gay couples probably meet this criteria but they should make <em>that</em> argument, not the former.</p> <p>This leads to the rampant use of abortion as birth control for people too in love to consider the consequences of their actions. No wonder I often consider "in love" synonomous with "asshatted." As I've lived my life, I've grown more and more sure that marriage before sex IS probably the best (if perhaps not very realistic) way to do things. Instead, people fuck who they want, get pregnant a dozen times and treat abortions like tossing a condom wrapper. I'd be far more inclined to support the 'right to choose' if the choice were made through necessity, not laziness and a desire to avoid responsibility. </p> <p>Don't even get me started on the results of Johnson's destruction of the poor community by tearing apart families and making them look to their government rather than their community and family for support in times of distress. I hope he's getting buttfucked by Hitler right now.</p> <p><strong>OMG! THE MAN IS BRINGING US DOWN/ CORPORATIONS ARE EVIL/RICH PEOPLE ARE RICH BECAUSE OTHERS ARE POOR/ETC/ETC</strong></p> <p>Only someone completely separated from the world of work and jobs and society could possibly believe this. I was forced as a requirement to take a class in Voodoo (sociology) and I recall my barely qualified instructor preaching that Vice Presidents were overpaid and that she could do their job but they surely couldn't do hers. They were just rich white men making sure their underlings stayed at each other's throats so they didn't notice how stupid and lazy they are. </p> <p>If you believe this, you are mentally retarded. The fact of the matter is, by and large, CEO's and VP's and other executives make so much money because they are worth it. Not only could the average VP of anything come down and teach Voodoo better than this bitch but the first week she was trying to do the "easy" job of being a VP she'd have a nervous breakdown. </p> <p>The fact of the matter is, people at the top of large organizations like corporations care more about the average American and do more for society than a thousand community organizers or social workers. The people that invest or work for these corporations are constantly on the minds of most executives and they strive constantly to do the best they can for all involved. Are there exceptions? Yes, and you hear about them at length every time they get caught but notice that there are thousands of corporations with many thousands of executives and the corporation-hating media and Democratic party can only find perhaps a dozen such people per year. </p> <p><strong>Everybody Is Equal</strong></p> <p>This is so laughable as to make me wonder if people are actually intelligent creatures. When the Declaration of Independence was originally written by Adams (the greatest American that ever lived, in my opinion) it said "All men are created equally free and independent" not "all men are created equal." Adams would surely have laughed at the latter thought. While we are and of a right should be equal in the eyes of god and law, there is absolutely no way anyone intelligent can contend that we are all equal. We each have differing levels of talent and intelligence and physical prowess and for these reasons should be expected to serve very different roles in society. Subsequently, we should expect to be rewarded very differently based on the value of our abilities.</p> <p>Sorry, dumb, talentless people. You aren't as valuable to society as talented geniuses. Not only is this true but it is just. Society MUST reward those that benefit society the most and value them above other people. It doesn't mean you have to obey them, but they <em>do </em>deserve a nicer house than you. </p> <p>A little analogy: Many of you believe it is just to take wealth from those with great reserves and give it to others with less. You believe they have more than they 'deserve' even though it is clear that they (in most cases) earned it and those with less can't seem to figure out how. It doesn't matter, they have too much and others need it.</p> <p>Well, what if we take the example of someone who is very good with the ladies? Should I, as a less successful person have the right to sleep with his girlfriend because he has too much and I don't have enough? What about a talented writer? Should we all get our name on the cover with equal prominence because he is just hogging up all the writing talent and others deserve some.</p> <p>Of course, none of this makes any sense because we didn't write the book. And we aren't charming and attractive. And we don't deserve to have lots of money because we haven't found a way to be useful to society in a comparable way. </p> <p>I know it isn't fair. We've been over this.</p> <p><strong>Violence Doesn't Solve Anything</strong></p> <p>Yes. It does. In fact, I can think of no surer way to resolve any conflict than violence. It is hard to me to even imagine a problem I have that couldn't be solved by violence. That guy hitting on your girlfriend? Kill him. Not anymore. Somebody double park you in? Break into the car and roll it into the highway. See? Problem solved. </p> <p>What? These actions cause more problems than they solved? Well, that's not what you said. You said violence doesn't solve anything. A more accurate statement is "Violence is so blunt and traumatic that, while it <strong>could </strong>be used to solve any problem, it should be used sparingly and with great care." I know that doesn't really fit on a bumper sticker but nothing intelligent does. I mean, placing "you can't hug your children with nuclear arms" on your car bumper is like advertising your extra chromosome.</p> <p>Anyway, I'm so tired of this "everything you need to know, you learned in kindergarten", "are you smarter than a 5th grader*" bullshit philosophy that everything in the world can be summed up in simple, broad platitudes. For people that are constantly preaching that everything is gray areas, they sure are locked into a belief structure as simple as Forrest Gump's fashion sense. </p> <p><strong>Mean Poeple Suck</strong></p> <p>Sometimes I'm pretty sure this means "honest people suck" or "people smarter than me suck." Only in the modern PC world could denying a poor person a loan be considered "mean" or even illegal. </p> <p>While being rejected for a loan may seem mean, you have to learn that sometimes the correct thing for another person or organization to do is to be mean to you. I once, in my stupider younger years attempted to get a loan without any collateral to which the loan officer responded with great sarcasm and condescension. I was outraged at the time but over the years that disdain has served me well because I didn't <em>deserve</em> a loan. What I was asking was essentially an insult to him and his institution. To think that they should just give me money and expect to be treated as an adult was ridiculous considering I'd walked in a proved I wasn't one. </p> <p>In the end, people who whine about mean people suck. Put that on your bumper.</p> <p> </p> <p>* I am smarter than a fifth grader. Way smarter. Only in modern America could a child knowing that a furlong is 660 feet be confused with superior intelligence. For example, I know how to drive a car which, last I checked, is far more valuable knowledge than the intricacies of the English measurement system. The idea for the show is cute but the title returns to that most annoying of trends in which people delight in explaining how things aren't like they obviously are. Oh no, running is actually bad for you! SURPRISE! You'd think that a decrease in violence in Iraq was due to.. um... less violence but a study conducted THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY about something completely unrelated like light patterns in Baghdad PROVE that is isn't! Think 9/11 was done by terrorists? THINK AGAIN SIMPLETON! Chimpy Retardiburton McBushitler orchestrated the most ingenious, diabolical attack on America without leaving behind ANY EVIDENCE! Oh my fucking god! Throw aside your preconceptions! We're in a zany, wacky world where anything is possible and the only people that toe the company line are brainless dinosaurs who hate black people and yearn for a return to the days of wife-beating and TB wards. </p> <p>Fuck off. I'm smarter than a fifth grader. Smoking pot is bad for you. Alexthechick is hot even though she's on the internet and filled with irrational fears. </p> <p>Deal with it. </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com44tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-38634007226459769432008-07-29T11:58:00.004-05:002008-07-29T12:07:21.248-05:00That's Some Fucked Up Shit Right ThereYesterday in the evening I was waiting for my sister to come visit so I decided to take my little daughter to the playground behind my apartment complex. While I attempted to convince Luci that the kiddy swing was supposed to be fun, not a novel form or torture, I was approached by some neighborhood immigrant children.<br /><br />I noticed an obvious hispanic accent (probably an island or maybe South American) as the older sister, a girl of maybe 12 (I'm pretty certain she's more like 10) engaged me in conversation.<br /><em><br />Her: "How old she is?"<br /><br />Me: "About six months."<br /><br />Her: "That's as old mine is."</em><br /><br /><em>Me: "..."</em><br /><br />At this point I assumed she had mispoken in a non-native tongue and meant her brother or sister cousin...<br /><br /><em>Her: "She's with her grandmother...."</em><br /><br />Umm...<br /><em><br />Her: "With my mother."</em><br /><br />Uhh...<br /><br /><em>Her: But mine is a boy. The father goes to my school.</em><br /><br />It is a rare and amazing occassion when I have absolutely nothing to say. I quickly did some math in my head and realized that, even assuming a very generous age of 12, this girl had gotten pregnant at the age fucking 10 years old! In my ignorance, I thought you needed to be a fucking teenager to have kids.<br /><br />Then I remembered that girls had started menstruating as young as nine and fertility goes along with that.. Still, that means someone had sex with a 10 year old (at the oldest) and got her pregnant. And she had it. And it survived.<br /><br />And she's <strong>fucking raising it</strong>.<br /><br />That's some fucked up shit right there.<br /><br />I'll leave you with her most disturbing sentence, "I had to give mom the baby so I could go out and play... have some fun."<br /><br />What the fuck is wrong with the world?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-35875352021722937902008-07-17T09:03:00.002-05:002008-07-17T09:08:35.792-05:00Man, It's Dusty In HereGood thing I brought my feather duster and maid outfit.<br /><br />Good luck getting that image out of your head.<br /><br />Life has been truly ridiculous the last month. Whether it be three jobs, a baby, family, friends getting married or just working on a totally awesome Zombie video game (details coming soon) I just haven't had a chance to breathe. When I do get a moment, I tend to post my good stuff over at DPUD since it will be read by far more than the three or four people that stop over here. <br /><br />I'll be unveiling my new part-time consulting company via its new website shortly. In addition to other professional services, I intend to offer blog installation, maintenance, programming and update services. Also, I want to provide scripts for anything from polls to random phrase generators, etc. I've got pretty solid talent at programming in PHP, Javascript, ASP, etc (if I really list it out it sounds like bragging these days) so I can interface with most any blog engine you happen to be running. <br /><br />Also, I think I'm going to start posting a bunch of pictures of my daughter and other photographs I take. I'm trying to train myself to use GIMP to create good logos and other web graphics and, while the progress is slow, I'm getting somewhere. <br /><br />Eventually, you'll all want to purchase your products from Moron Solutions. No, I'm not kidding. Not even a little.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.m0r0n.com">Moron Solutions: We don't think we're smarter than you.</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-36402207978383003062008-07-03T14:37:00.001-05:002008-07-03T14:39:17.193-05:00100% Bitches*<center><a href="http://www.oneplusyou.com/bb/booze" style="color: #8A7A70; text-decoration: none; display: block; width: 158px; height: 94px; padding-left: 65px; padding-top: 128px; background: url(http://www.oneplusyou.com/q/img/bb_badges/booze.jpg) no-repeat; font-family: Times New Roman, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; font-weight: bold;">100%<span style="display: block; font-size: 12px; font-weight: normal; font-family: Arial;">ALCOHOLIC</span></a><div><a href="http://www.oneplusyou.com/q">OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets</a></div></center><br /><br />* - I'm going to go ahead and claim my exceptional score is because I bartended for two years but you <a href="http://moronpundit.blogspot.com/2008/01/just-flew-back-from-new-york.html">make up your own mind.</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-58889895008157073682008-07-02T11:44:00.002-05:002008-07-02T11:45:28.693-05:00PHP BlegI'm not sure how tech savvy my readership is but I have a rather complicated, obscure problem with PHP and consuming web services that I could really use some help on.<br /><br />Anybody?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-5009604050361757672008-06-30T11:01:00.001-05:002008-06-30T11:01:59.408-05:00The Lights Aren't Off Yet<div>I know it has been pretty quiet around here because I've been posting most of my good political and odd news stuff over at doubleplusundead. This blog, however, is not dead. I think I'll use it to focus in more on personal stories, Wisconsin news and other oddities that may otherwise clutter up DPUD's fine establishment.</div> <div> </div> <div>I had intended to cross-post most of my material here but found that to be tedious, to say the least. Beyond the fact that I had to post an article twice, the method by which Blogger translates text into HTML is different than <a href="http://mee.nu">mee.nu</a> (it has to do with converting line breaks) so I end up having to do a lot of code cleanup to get it to look right.</div> <div> </div> <div>Other topics I will continue/start to write about here include computer programming, web consulting and the future of several personal projects I'm working on including a book (Sci-Fi), a computer game (it has to do with killing ZOMBIES!) and the company I'm starting that will not only offer professional services to businesses but provide myriad blog installation and software solutions to the world at large. I hope to make my professional website available soon at <a href="http://www.m0r0n.com">www.m0r0n.com</a>. </div> <div> </div> <div>If only I had an extra 5 hours per day! Anyone want to lend me some?</div> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-7774227737909802562008-06-30T10:36:00.004-05:002008-06-30T10:55:55.878-05:00Tragedy and ParentingBefore I had my daughter in January, I could have never fathomed the agony a <a href="http://www.wisn.com/news/16741720/detail.html">story like this must produce:</a><br /><blockquote>A 3-year-old girl drowned in a pool at a friend's home in Milwaukee.<br /><br />Officers said it happened at a home near 80th Street and Tesch Avenue at about 6:30 p.m. Saturday.<br /><br />Police said the girl might have been wearing a flotation device earlier in the day, but took it off to eat dinner.</blockquote><br /><br />While I can't even imagine surviving the death of my daughter, I have many family members who have lost children and they all say "You find a way, you have to."<br /><br />The worst part is that the child had the water wings on and took them off to eat. This oversight by the parents will inevitably lead them to endless self-recriminations that are, obviously, undeserved. Yes, they probably <i>should</i> have noticed but life is fast and frantic and children are as kinetic as quicksilver. The reality is, terrible terrible things happen and no amount of care can prevent that.<br /><br />I must qualify all of this by saying that I regularly go into my daughter's room to check if she is breathing and have an absolutely irrational terror about walking when my daughter is on the floor for some reason. Vivid images of me stepping on her skull flash into my mind and I almost have to immediately sit down. <br /><br />Who knew you could ever care about something so much? Even with the risk of such terrible loss, I can only pity those who have chosen not to have children. I'm not better than you, I just feel sad that you'll never know the most powerful love in the world.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-54264064944976460182008-06-26T19:14:00.002-05:002008-06-26T19:18:52.312-05:00I'd Like You to Meet My New Girlfriend<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjppYJag9sWfb2c5_MGooqVNLnknDoGRPEAkAG_emZHhEeSFPZg4fau6_pYlfNf6g5Hi-8k3jlvVoHgNKjNRhJOvo_65-mn9uMbrrTM9ODhtYW55WCZkb2oIhq3GvLUIpKjefk-JUjwwgc/s1600-h/Jan+-+June+2008+001.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjppYJag9sWfb2c5_MGooqVNLnknDoGRPEAkAG_emZHhEeSFPZg4fau6_pYlfNf6g5Hi-8k3jlvVoHgNKjNRhJOvo_65-mn9uMbrrTM9ODhtYW55WCZkb2oIhq3GvLUIpKjefk-JUjwwgc/s400/Jan+-+June+2008+001.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5216348295906388466" /></a><br />That's right. A fucking bread maker. After getting back from my vacation out west I bought some supplies for making bread and fired that little darling up. Result?<br /><br />I have finally achieved true bliss. I only made basic white bread but it was fantastic. The quality difference between store bought bread and the stuff you make yourself cannot be overstated. And the recipes I can try are many and varied! Homemade banana bread? I win. <br /><br />I just fucking win.<br /><br />I hope to never eat store-bought bread again.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-77503708817878559042008-06-18T20:51:00.001-05:002008-06-18T20:52:56.386-05:00AliveAnd not in Wisconsin, but out west with the family. I'll be out of Wisconsin until the 24th and hopefully will immediately shoot out to Detroit for a little party. <br /><br />I hear the levies on the Mississippi broke and that my home county was declared a federal disaster area so going home should be fun.<br /><br />I'll post some pictures from the trip soon.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-56255390034913817512008-06-12T22:01:00.000-05:002008-06-12T22:02:15.147-05:00Wisconsin Has Angered GodAnd we're about to get punished.<br /><br />The state hasn't even backed off from record flood levels and we're about to get 3+ inches of rain tonight. It appears that at least 3 dams are going to give way tonight at least.<br /><br />Also, most of the interstates are being closed due to flooding, semis are being blown over by high winds and power is slowly turning off for thousands of residents.<br /><br />I'm just waiting for some retarded Packer fan to blame this on Favre's retirement.<br /><br />At any rate, wish us luck. We're going to need it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">P.S.</span> Do you know why Bush hasn't visited the effected areas yet? He hates white people.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Update:</span> Current reports show that each of three dams are currently expected to hold by county officials if the rain total is less than 3". That is, unfortunately, a big if. We're up to 19,000 without power.<br /><br />Only about 6 hours of storms to go.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Update Part Deux:</span> I was right, Fond du Lac is fucked:<br /><br /> <blockquote>County Executive Allen Buechel declared a State of Emergency for all of Fond du Lac County on Thursday evening. All citizens are asked to remain in their homes unless they need to evacuate.<br /><br /> Many streets and roads are impassable across the county. The County is urging residents to stay home unless they need to evacuate.<br /><br /> One resident said some sewers are gushing out like fountains in the city of Fond du Lac. The sewers backed up into many basements and many city roads are impassible due to flooding.</blockquote><br /><br />Those poor people have been under the red on the radar screen for five hours straight. It is going to be a rough morning for them. Unfortunately for points south, that water has to go somewhere and I have a suspicion it might be this way.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-62463931066815981842008-06-10T21:31:00.002-05:002008-06-10T21:32:10.793-05:00Obama Pulling Out of Wisconsin?Unsubstantiated information from the Republican Party of Wisconsin:<br /><blockquote>After a series of puff articles over the weekend raving about Senator Barack Obama’s Wisconsin operation, it was discovered Obama actually doesn’t have any campaign offices in the state. <br /> <br />“Perhaps Democrats realize that the most liberal member of the United States Senate is no fit for Wisconsin voters and took their field offices back to Chicago,” said Mark Jefferson, Executive Director of the Republican Party of Wisconsin. “This isn’t the first time the Obama campaign has sought to mislead folks in Wisconsin, and it no doubt won’t be the last.”<br /> <br />Phone numbers listed on the Obama website for Wisconsin campaign offices were discovered to be inoperable this week. Obama’s national campaign said there hasn’t been campaign offices since the state’s February primary and didn’t know when they would reopen. <br /> <br />According to Jefferson, Obama’s visit this week could be to mask his anemic state operation or it might be a farewell visit to the Badger State.<br /> <br />“It will take more than overblown pep rallies to convince Wisconsin voters that Barack Obama shares their values,” Jefferson said. “John McCain has a history of independent leadership that appeals to Wisconsin. Senator Obama has never put partisan interests aside to bring about progress. Maybe that’s why Democrats have to exaggerate their campaign operations.”</blockquote><br />Very interesting.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-46883158224412820372008-06-10T13:56:00.002-05:002008-06-10T13:58:23.922-05:00Lake Delton Is No More<center><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/8RIPc3j41Qw&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/8RIPc3j41Qw&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></center><br />Unfortunately, this isn't remotely the worst of the damage in the midwest. Waukesha (where I live now) has an overflowing damn and nearly every road through town is closed. <br /><br />Fucked up. <br /><br />Oh, and on a side note, I am posting much more at <a href="http://doubleplusundead.mee.nu">doubleplusundead</a> than I am here. <br /><br />Check it out!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-61727621653797476622008-06-07T17:37:00.000-05:002008-06-07T17:38:40.271-05:00Holy FuckThat was one hell of a fucking storm! Yee-haw!!<br /><br />I saw some nice, 3" hail. I'll try to get some of the video I took up before the end of the weekend!<br /><br />Man, I love thunderstorms!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-61930194579501073422008-06-05T19:34:00.005-05:002008-06-05T19:42:57.201-05:00Ask A Moron: Zombie Invasion - Exodus<p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><a href="http://moronpundit.blogspot.com/2008/05/ask-moron-zombie-invasion-know-thine.html"><span style="font-size:10;">...Previously...</span></a></p><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a target="_blank" href="http://s305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/?action=view&current=zombies.jpg"><br /> <img alt="Photobucket" src="http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/zombies.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;"></span></p><span style="font-size:10;">It has been several weeks since Ash saw the unfortunate gentleman in the parking lot partially devoured. Later that day, he joined his consumers in meanderingly mindless in search of food. Unfortunately for Ash and his friends, they aren't the only ones looking for food. A quick tally of the remaining rations reveals only a week is left before starvation begins. It's time to get the fuck out of dodge.</span><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:10;" >I Have a Clever Plan</span></p><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a target="_blank" href="http://s305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/?action=view&current=baldrick.jpg"> <img alt="Photobucket" src="http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/baldrick.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">In the initial hours of the invasion, Ash contacted all local friends and family and arranged an escape plan should one become necessary. While hope for an outside solution to the problem remains, the current food shortage necessitates action. These original plans will need to be put in motion.<br /> </span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">Before leaving town, there are three locations from which Ash must rescue people dear to him. Two are private residences and one is an apartment complex. He is to extricate five individuals from these locations; his parents and three friends. Of course, before he can do any of that the survivors have to get to their cars.</span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /> </p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:10;" >Getting to the Car (Choppa)<br /> </span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:10;" ><br /> </span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><a target="_blank" href="http://s305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/?action=view&current=Choppa.jpg"><br /> <img alt="Get To Da Choppa!" src="http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/Choppa.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></p><br /><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">In the parking lot there are five cars belonging to Ash's party of survivors. You may recall that two of the vehicles arrived later when Ash's friends fled dangerous locations and joined the party. The primary problem with getting to the cars is that there are two dozen hungry undead looking for a snack. Three of the cars are parked on the near side of the parking lot but two cars are parked more distantly. It is decided that it is critical to take as much transportation as possible so they're going to have to find a way to get drivers into each of the cars and started before any zombie violence befalls them. The group is broken up into teams and each are instructed as to which vehicle to head toward. Now all they need to do is get rid of these zombies.</span></p><br /><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">Being that these are ninja zombies (not swarming zombies) it is possible to pick one off at a time and any zombie that doesn't detect you with their own senses is unlikely to pursue or attack. The plan is for the teams bring the shotgun to the controlled access doors downstairs while Ash shoots from the balcony with his pistol. From here he will pick off as many zombies as he can while (hopefully) remaining out of reach. This should draw the zombies toward him. It is clear that eventually the zombies will break through the sliding glass doors into the downstairs apartments and make an attempt to bypass the shoddy defenses. From his location on the balcony, Ash can see and keep clear the main front door so long as zombies haven't figured out how to climb brick walls.<br /> </span></p><br /><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">As the zombies that get by him move into the downstairs apartments the parking lot should clear out. As soon as Ash yells go or a zombie breaks into the downstairs hallway it is time for the gangs to move out. </span></p><br /><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">All of the survivors quietly move to the downstairs area carrying as much food and equipment as they can, securing themselves between the outside door and the locked inner security door. They nervously watch the blockaded doors for movement as they hear Ash start shooting. Above, Ash has started to fire carefully aimed shots at the heads of the zombies. While he isn't the best shot, he benefits(?) from his targets shambling toward him after the initial miss. Within minutes he has cleared half of the visible undead from the parking lot and they aren't being replaced by reinforcements. He can't find many more in range until he hears an angry, hungry screech from below his feet. Looking through the cracks in the balcony he can see that one had been under him the whole time. Shortly thereafter he hears the sound of shattering glass as the zombie moves into the lower unit. </span></p><br /><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">The shotgun wielding 'leader' of the lower survivors knows his first responsibility after leaving the room is to check both sides of the door to make sure no sneaky little ninja fucker had stealthed away out of their line of sight. Then he is to provide protection as the first three groups move to the near cars. Once they are in those cars, he will escort the other two groups (one of which he is a member) to their more distant vehicles. All this time, Ash is providing as much cover and scouting as possible. All he has to do now is wait for the command.</span></p><br /><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">Ash sees the lot to be clear of any targets and hears his new downstairs neighbor viciously attempting to break through the blockade with some success. He decides it is time to give the command. The shout is heard below and they begin to move. From his vantage point he can see the shotgun swing left, fire twice then swing back to the right. He looks up with a nod as the rest of them begin moving across the parking lot. Within moments the first three cars are loaded and started. The rest begin moving the thirty yards to the other cars. Ash stays vigilant for any movement but the rest of it goes off without a hitch. The cars line up into a caravan in the middle of the parking lot and Ash jumps down from the balcony, immediately turning to see if his company has decided to come back out and play. He then charges to the nearest car and piles in. Roll out!</span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:10;" >Mean Streets</span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><a href="http://s305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/?action=view&current=shaun_of_the_dead_xl_02.jpg" target="_blank"><br /> <img src="http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/shaun_of_the_dead_xl_02.jpg" alt="Photobucket" border="0" /></a></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">The first house is less than three miles away but in that distance much is learned about the new world. Burned out car wrecks litter the highway and many apartment buildings and houses have been totally destroyed. Much time is spent weaving through obstacle courses of debris with maximum attention paid to keeping momentum and maximizing distance from possible zombie hiding spots. Rolling through town only a few zombies are seen and those slow monstrosities rarely attempt pursuit of the fast moving vehicles.<br /> </span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">They slow down when they arrive at the house, pulling their cars into a semi-circle in the front yard. One car takes shelter within this wagon circle in order to collect the refugees. Ash and Shotgun get out of the car and provide cover as the horn is honked. It doesn't seem that anyone is home but sure enough, two people come out a moment later. Ash points the gun at his parents and instructs them to get into the trunk of the car. He doesn't have time to explain his reasoning because the new neighbors are getting restless. They do as they are told and the caravan moves out with new cargo.<br /> </span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">It may seem cruel but in this situation it is necessary to preserve the safety of the group and there was no time for a full, nude search out in the open. They couldn't bypass this crucial security measure so they had to maintain a physical separation from the new survivors. This combined with the pressing time element made it necessary to find a place to put them in the rather isolated trunk. Shotgun still sits in the back at the ready if anything bad happens. </span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">They continue to the second house and a similar process comes off without a hitch. Unfortunately, the apartment complex they are to visit has been burned to the ground and only small hope remains that they escaped and await them at the rendezvous spot. </span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:10;" >Getting out of Dodge</span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /> </p><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://s305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/?action=view&current=warrior.jpg" target="_blank"><br /> <img src="http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/warrior.jpg" alt="Photobucket" style="width: 358px; height: 191px;" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">The caravan now makes its way to the nearest state highway as quickly as possible and heads West. The previously agreed upon rendezvous point is a commonly known, large parking lot about six hours away. This location is in the middle of nowhere, provides great lines of sight and has enough room for dozens of cars to park without nearing any cover that ninja zombies may use to sneak up on their prey. </span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /> </p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size:10;">For now, Ash sleeps as the devestated world rolls by.</span></p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br /> </p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;">(to be continued...)</p><br /><p style="margin-top: 0in; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; text-decoration: underline;">Other Installments</span><br /> </p><br /><ul> <li><a href="http://moronpundit.blogspot.com/2008/05/ask-moron-zombie-invasion-beginning.html">The Beginning</a></li> <li><a href="http://moronpundit.blogspot.com/2008/05/ask-moron-zombie-invasion-they-live.html">They Live</a></li> <li><a href="http://moronpundit.blogspot.com/2008/05/ask-moron-zombie-invasion-know-thine.html">Know Thine Enemy</a></li><br /></ul><span style="font-style: italic;">In order to keep Ask A Moron a regular feature I need questions from you, my readers. Please put your questions, any question at a</span><br /><br /><i>Crossposted at <a href="http://doubleplusundead.mee.nu">doubleplusundead.</a></i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-38266143608710940802008-06-05T08:32:00.004-05:002008-06-05T08:46:43.613-05:00Wisconsin Drivers<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3ImR8rRBJfY6QHvA3VIQmb4rj-Hxt1oBQXyZFYE9nKJxAC6V_A3gu819e-Ec11Vu66U6mcjLAPsobvKUZRIrsebyttjpaMQz3HYsmP2NV2y2qaD0iJpNex-CmdmBvAhCTW7B-FJKaMEs/s1600-h/thunderposter.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3ImR8rRBJfY6QHvA3VIQmb4rj-Hxt1oBQXyZFYE9nKJxAC6V_A3gu819e-Ec11Vu66U6mcjLAPsobvKUZRIrsebyttjpaMQz3HYsmP2NV2y2qaD0iJpNex-CmdmBvAhCTW7B-FJKaMEs/s400/thunderposter.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5208393452192205858" /></a><br />Yeah, the weather is shitty and so was my commute.<br /><br />Hint: Water doesn't make your car stop driving.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-28294178371595673052008-06-04T18:03:00.001-05:002008-06-04T18:04:49.876-05:00You're Not SmartYou need <a href="http://www.duhcorp.com/">DuhCorp</a><br /><blockquote> Does your PHP network have double back-end XHTML redundancy? Is your PDA hard drive triple access enabled for Wi-Fi management? If you don't have end-point security in your adaptive architecture strategy, then you need us.<br /> <br />You might not even know if you need us. Which means you need us even more. You don't understand how much you need us because you're not as smart as us. You don't understand things like Continuous Network Access Compliance Upload Speed (even though you pretend like you do at parties when people talk about it). You don't understand these things because you're not smart. But that's OK. We're smart. You can trust us.<br /><br />If you hire us, you'll never see us in person. We might respond to your emails from time-to-time, but usually not. It's not that we're too busy to talk to you, it's just that your emails are usually so stupid that we're too busy laughing about them with everyone in the office. </blockquote><br />I'm calling them today.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-50366398134938393482008-06-04T11:58:00.001-05:002008-06-04T11:58:43.675-05:00Move Complete<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKNvULIEZ4jYaJoUlXtmHRQ6z1XSW_v0eoM57KZhp72cNzpl0ytBUGwZgfbjtEoOSt54mVf3BWYB_GNiNz5pEnMdxa7G-d0Yu970-WVY_gWvxQvc9V4fA3EocDrTS98GoFzrGb4s_XgPY/s1600-h/tired-723677.bmp"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKNvULIEZ4jYaJoUlXtmHRQ6z1XSW_v0eoM57KZhp72cNzpl0ytBUGwZgfbjtEoOSt54mVf3BWYB_GNiNz5pEnMdxa7G-d0Yu970-WVY_gWvxQvc9V4fA3EocDrTS98GoFzrGb4s_XgPY/s320/tired-723677.bmp" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5208071861845282898" /></a></p><div>Have I mentioned to you how much I fucking hate moving? Well, if I haven't, I'm doing it now.</div> <div> </div> <div><strong>I fucking hate moving. </strong></div> <div> </div> <div>We reserved a 16 foot covered trailer for the move but were overjoyed to discover that U-Haul only had a 12 foot <em>uncovered</em> trailer left on the lot at the agreed upon pickup time. Needless to say my smile was strained trying to contain all the profanity and death-threats.</div> <div> </div> <div>We managed to finish packing the first load in about an hour and arrived at the new place about an hour later. I unfortunately had to dispose of my rickety entertainment center which sucks. If anyone has an extra one they'd like to donate to the cause, I"d be happy to figure out a way to ship it to me. </div> <div> </div> <div>Anyway, the second load-in went much slower as it was more small stuff and more cleaning was done in between. For the first time in my life my knees hurt like I wasn't 21. By the end of the day (almost 12 hours later) I could barely walk down stairs. Even the big hill at the back of my new complex was torture on the knees. </div> <div> </div> <div>I never want to do that again. Hopefully I'll be rich enough by the next move to hire somebody to do it for me. </div> <div> </div> <div><strong>Garbage Disposal Update:</strong> Also, my father informed me of a rather awesome way to fix the trashed garbage disposal. I guess there is a slot for an allen wrench underneath that allows you to move the blades backwards. This dislodged the wedged glass bits and allowed the machine to function properly. I doubt I'll be getting any security back anyway (my roommate was horribly messy) but at least I don't have to hear about a broken disposal. </div> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-86710844303267104872008-06-04T11:46:00.001-05:002008-06-04T11:46:56.811-05:00Remember This Vow<div>I have a strong suspicion Obama will reneg on this when <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/latestCrisis/idUSWAT009592">push comes to shove</a>:</div> <div> <blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="PADDING-LEFT: 1ex; MARGIN: 0px 0px 0px 0.8ex; BORDER-LEFT: #ccc 1px solid"> <div>Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama said on Wednesday Iran posed a "grave" danger in the Middle East and vowed to stop it from acquiring a nuclear weapon.<br><br>"The danger from Iran is grave, it is real, and my goal will be to eliminate this threat," Obama said in a speech to a conference of the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, a pro-Israel lobby group.<br> <br>"I will do everything in my power to prevent Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon -- everything," he said to a standing ovation.</div></blockquote> <div> </div> <div>Is Obama aware that, as President of the United States, full-scale military invasion is within is power? </div> <div> </div> <div>Just wondering.</div><br> </div> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-26848131994568216652008-06-04T08:44:00.002-05:002008-06-04T08:57:44.248-05:00Moron of the Day: Oh, Somebody Knows<div>One need only look at the United Nations to witness that staggering apex of human stupidity. <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/latestCrisis/idUSL03622524">Observe:</a></div> <div> <blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="PADDING-LEFT: 1ex; MARGIN: 0px 0px 0px 0.8ex; BORDER-LEFT: #ccc 1px solid">"Nobody understands how $11 to $12 billion a year of subsidies in 2006 and protective tariff policies have had the effect of diverting 100 million tonnes of cereals from human consumption, mostly to satisfy a thirst for fuel for vehicles," said FAO head Jacques Diouf, opening the summit at the body's Rome headquarters.</blockquote> <div> </div> <div>This statement is so absurdly stupid that I feel a desperate need to believe he is joking. Why, it is almost like some magical force drives prices up when demand is artificially inflated by subsidies and protection. </div> <div> </div> <div>Even better? The solution found by these dipshits is to <strong><em>subsidize food production</em></strong> on the other side! Of course, this will just cause the prices to rise <em>again </em>as the two sides get into a government funded bidding war with other people's money.</div> <div> </div> <div>People actually want to put these helmeted retards in charge of the whole planet? </div><br> </div> <br /><br /><i>Crossposted at <a href="http://doubleplusundead.mee.nu">doubleplusundead</a></i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-24557695715642812322008-06-03T23:25:00.003-05:002008-06-03T23:27:45.926-05:00I Want A Fatwa<a href="http://s305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/?action=view¤t=islamicrageboygetsahaircut.jpg" target="_blank"><br /> <img border="0" src="http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn209/doubleplusundeadnu/islamicrageboygetsahaircut.jpg" alt="Fatwa Generation Machine" /></a><br />Yup, that ought to do it.<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /> P.S.</span>: If you are over five years old and think that's funny, can you let me know? I'm curious if I need therapy. <br />I laughed for like ten minutes when I <span style="font-style: italic;">thought</span> of doing this.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">P.P.S.</span>: Alice H. was right, white penises show up way better.<br /><br /><i>Crossposted at <a href="http://doubleplusundead.mee.nu">doubleplusundead</a>.</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-30414339422932152502008-06-02T19:51:00.003-05:002008-06-03T23:28:05.442-05:00Best Named Awful Video GamesI've been holding onto this for a rainy day. I present to you, ten video games with the most <a href="http://www.1up.com/do/feature?cId=3147527">bizarre fucking names you've ever heard</a>:<br /><blockquote>The Simple 2000 series of budget games had a pretty dull start. It began with generic games with names like "The Cameraman," "The Tennis," "The Dungeon RPG," and "The License Acquisition Simulation -Version for Revised Road Traffic Laws." Eventually they apparently tapped every conceivable dull title possible. Then they started getting weird. Later titles included "The Large Beautiful Woman," which featured a giant woman in a bikini destroying a city, and "The Love Horror Adventure: Drifting Girl," which was about my last relationship. Volume 95 in English, in case you were wondering why such a stupid title took #1, is "Zombies Against Ambulances."<br /><br /> <br /><br /> Zombies. Against. Ambulances.</blockquote>My favorite game name is actually "Irritating Stick" but the description of the Simple2000 series of games leaves little to be desired. For fuck sake, I honestly <span style="font-style: italic;">want</span> "The Large Beautiful Woman."<br /><br /><br /><br /> Rampage has nothing on that!<br /><br /><i>Crossposted at <a href="http://doubleplusundead.mee.nu">doubleplusundead</a></i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-9467086839278004662008-06-02T17:23:00.005-05:002008-06-02T17:28:25.603-05:00Moving On Up<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK39Vl6nQXQ9DG7drJhfVcEbWYonkOdRbdkOF_GkgebZxbFp7zs3ZxjKSE76mSioxJq-k25j70VrcHi-L2chBRkeC5pLyOMN03usQEVViP7B12F4XrZTPzWyDCIKZG5dq2WZ4wyjUanpI/s1600-h/agf.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK39Vl6nQXQ9DG7drJhfVcEbWYonkOdRbdkOF_GkgebZxbFp7zs3ZxjKSE76mSioxJq-k25j70VrcHi-L2chBRkeC5pLyOMN03usQEVViP7B12F4XrZTPzWyDCIKZG5dq2WZ4wyjUanpI/s400/agf.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5207414324444934162" /></a><br />I've been asked to co-blog at the fantastic <a href="http://doubleplusundead.mee.nu/">doubleplusundead</a> and have graciously and eagerly accepted. <br /><br />Don't worry fans and subscribers, Moron Pundit will continue to be updated regularly. Some material will be cross-posted but much will be independently placed at either location. <br /><br />Keep stopping by and, of course, check out <a href="http://doubleplusundead.mee.nu/">doubleplusundead</a>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-50239956940283682112008-06-02T11:43:00.001-05:002008-06-02T11:43:06.848-05:00Scandi For Life: Denmark Won't Back Down<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4uBrXSpUnzfRHaqjdIq_OvSzMA9Hq68Nloxt95r5cEuC0AtuX4Wd1gls6NUuLHgNavozoJRgnowHpDzxr6djhinAST6Pg6DQGKE2_hGhfxLPc21Hzd6PfFH9X-PVbIc2eFlZW5sHhTI8/s1600-h/scandi-786850.JPG"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4uBrXSpUnzfRHaqjdIq_OvSzMA9Hq68Nloxt95r5cEuC0AtuX4Wd1gls6NUuLHgNavozoJRgnowHpDzxr6djhinAST6Pg6DQGKE2_hGhfxLPc21Hzd6PfFH9X-PVbIc2eFlZW5sHhTI8/s320/scandi-786850.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5207325665496616066" /></a></p><div>While Denmark's masturbate-a-thon makes me want to pretend I'm Irish, they make <a href="http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/06/02/news/Denmark-Pakistan-Blast.php">me proud more often than not</a>:</div> <div> <blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="PADDING-LEFT: 1ex; MARGIN: 0px 0px 0px 0.8ex; BORDER-LEFT: #ccc 1px solid"> <div>Denmark on Monday deplored a deadly car bombing targeting its embassy in Pakistan in the worst anti-Danish attack since the 2006 crisis over cartoons depicting the prophet Muhammad. <p>At least six people were killed and dozens wounded in the attack in the Pakistani capital, Islamabad, officials and witnesses said.</p> <p>Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen called the bombing "an attack against Denmark."</p> <p>But he said Denmark would not be cowed by terrorists.</p> <p>"Denmark will not alter its policy because of a terror attack," he told reporters. "We will not give in to terrorists. We will maintain the foreign and security policy line we have been leading."</p> </div></blockquote> <div>If only the citizens of Spain had half the resolve and spine of the Danish. </div> <div> </div> <div>But they don't. No, Scandis are uniquely badass with their battle axes, horned helmets and affinity for speed death metal. Everyone else just wishes they had the guts to fill their pockets with salt and eat in the bathroom.</div> </div> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-70798633733115029042008-06-02T08:14:00.001-05:002008-06-02T08:14:38.855-05:00I Now Pronounce You Party A and Party B<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIej630agAFi7JYp8gayp6GATP2IQDogdYpg60p37xxe45KRwNHBTeySzjQ_zLwA0DTQ0H7Uie2GHkZc-mW902blMNXAB0264_rLz8n0Vjb2MMrWu-90k4AzwD2LGsJLwPhBJbG6ChxQM/s1600-h/rings-778857.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIej630agAFi7JYp8gayp6GATP2IQDogdYpg60p37xxe45KRwNHBTeySzjQ_zLwA0DTQ0H7Uie2GHkZc-mW902blMNXAB0264_rLz8n0Vjb2MMrWu-90k4AzwD2LGsJLwPhBJbG6ChxQM/s320/rings-778857.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5207271950803384002" /></a></p><div>I was never very interested in the gay marriage debate. It wasn't that I didn't care about the "plight" of homosexuals wanting to get married (marriage is a human right? <strong><em>Puhlease.</em></strong>) I just didnt' care at all either way. I couldn't figure out why anyone was getting that excited about it.</div> <div> </div> <div>Now I see evidence that gay marriage <em>will</em> cheapen the institution. <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/28/same.sex.marriage/">Get a load of this shit:</a></div> <div> <blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="PADDING-LEFT: 1ex; MARGIN: 0px 0px 0px 0.8ex; BORDER-LEFT: #ccc 1px solid"> <div> <p>The state Department of Public Health -- which serves as State Registrar and oversees vital records -- said in an announcement that June 16 is the last day the state Supreme Court can rule on any requests for re-hearing. It released new marriage license forms for counties to use beginning the following day.</p> <p>The new forms, which were also released, have lines for "Party A" and "Party B."</p></div></blockquote> <div> </div> <div>How fucking romantic. Party A and Party B. Sounds like their cosigning on a car loan. </div> <div> </div> <div>Best part? Everyone has to use the same form so if you are hetero and getting married you're still A and B, not man and wife. No wonder my generation has completely lost interest in marriage. Thanks for fucking it up you useless, free-love, if it feels good do it hippies. </div> <br> </div> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646202948575635551.post-51802095298413419572008-06-01T13:47:00.002-05:002008-06-01T13:49:13.287-05:00Freedom!!!!!!111eleventy<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWs52h4sEPNbu7O5cbuDTxAJNw0w5XLw5IKtZNdY4lhIcZHdgq4Mb49jCrfpKdyTn33g_sf1dZ3OPtT9Xt4H57WDk9vJ1NvXsdgZEEnJXdR5e_vJinmF9GvOtfW0OgQ6oel1Bt3nL1qeM/s1600-h/braveheart.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWs52h4sEPNbu7O5cbuDTxAJNw0w5XLw5IKtZNdY4lhIcZHdgq4Mb49jCrfpKdyTn33g_sf1dZ3OPtT9Xt4H57WDk9vJ1NvXsdgZEEnJXdR5e_vJinmF9GvOtfW0OgQ6oel1Bt3nL1qeM/s400/braveheart.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5206986611768820898" /></a><br />The move is complete. I now realize that I am no longer 18 and that my knees do not like carrying 50 pound boxes up and down stairs.<br /><br />This getting older* stuff really sucks.<br /><br />* - I say older so my elders don't jump down my throat for complaining. I'll just say that the difference between 28 and 25 is pretty impressive in terms of joint pain. <br /><br />Also, getting older is far better than the alternative.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0