Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Moron of the Day: Moron Pundit

This story requires a little background so bear with me.
A few weeks ago, my baby-momma went on a business trip to Seattle leaving me with my daughter for over a week.  When she returned she brought me a shot glass that said "Seattle" on it.  Nifty.  Well, the next weekend, my friend came over to watch a movie and we had an inaugural shot of Yaeger from my new shot glass!  Excelsior!
Weeks pass.
This past weekend, I decided it might be a good idea to wash all of my daughter's bottles and nipples so she might be able to, you know, eat.  I began to wash things but had to stop because the water drain appeared to be clogged.  I started the disposal. 
Oh shit.  That isn't the sound a garbage disposal makes!  I may be frightfully ignorant in most arenas but I know what sound a fucking disposal makes.  Crash is not that sound.  Even more alarming, after the initial cat in a wood-chipper sound, all noise ceased.  Just fucking great.  Who needs the security deposit money anyway?
I unplugged the device (I have a crippling fear of grinding my hand to paste) and began fishing around inside.  After pulling out three nipples, I realized I had been mistaken in my impression that the little rubber flaps in some way prevented large objects from falling into the drain.  Feeling that I had more than cleared the obstruction, I fired up the old disposal again.
Bzzzzhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... click.     Silence.
Well, fuck.  What the hell else could be in there?
So again, I unplug the device and start fishing around in the dark, toothy maw of my garbage disposal.
Wait, that's toothier than I remember.  Am I bleeding?  Boy fucking howdy  I am!  And how!
Turns out there was more than a few baby nipples in there.  That lovely shot glass had also been down the drain when I first activated the disposal and had been automagically transformed into a funhouse of pointy glass shards arrayed in whatever formation most facilitated me tearing my hand to bloody, useless ribbons.*
I fucking rule.  
So, anyone know how best to remove wedged glass shards from a garbage disposal without having to take it apart? 
* - I may be exaggerating a tiny bit.


Anonymous said...


Hmmm...wet/dry Shop Vac?

I have no idea, if you want to hold off before you try something, I'll post it in links tomorrow. Its a bit late in the day to post it now, most people visit during midday work hours.

Anonymous said...

It'd probably be best to see what the rest of the morons say, anything I suggest will probably end with you needing a hospital visit.

Anonymous said...

Go to the pet store and buy a rat and stick it in the disposal. Those little bastards will eat anything.

And if that doesn't work, well heck, it was just a rat.

Anonymous said...

I actually had the same thing happen to a shot glass that I bought while in Mosul (thank God I bought two). The way I got all of the glass out was by going to the local hardware store and getting some heavy duty leather gloves to fish all of the pieces out. Once I got all that I could out that way I checked the seam where the drain meets the rotating part to see if any pieces had lodged themselves in there and used a small putty knife to lever out said pieces. After checking the underside of the disposal unit itself to make sure that I didn't pop the in line fuse (it should be a little black button that you can just push back in) I plugged up the disposal, turned on the water, and let her rip.

Yeah, those little black plastic flaps are for shit when it comes to keeping heavier items out of the drain.

S. Weasel said...

Geez, you have faith in electricity! I wouldn't put my hand down a disposal under any condition. My imagination just had a cramp.

I use a long tweezer-like thingie from a cooking shop. It's for turning bacon and stuff. Works a treat for plucking stuff out of the sink.

Anonymous said...

I'd say buy a new house, with a nice new garbage disposal.

It's just easier.

Anonymous said...

I forgot to mention that you unplug the thing prior to any operation, so that "operation" does not become the key word as you try to pick up your fingers afterwards.

Thanks Weasel, I forgot that part.

Anonymous said...

I just replaced a disposal not too long back, and I'm willing to believe that your best best is to remove the unit from under the sink. Upend it and coax as much out as you can, vacuum with a nozzle, and then put it back in. It's not too awful to do, just takes a little time and it saves you the money/time investment of replacing it when the glass shards destroy it later.

Alice H said...

Shop-vac with a smaller nozzle on it. I speak from experience. Oh, and wear eye protection of some sort while doing this - you will likely have to do some suction, run the disposal, and do some suction again.

I can also tell you from second-hand experience that a disposal won't grind your whole hand into paste - you'll most likely jerk your hand out before it gets that far and just lose a couple fingers.

Schrodinger said...

Thanks for the advice! I'll be trying to figure it out soon and I'll let you know how it goes.

Reading these comments makes me wonder why they're so hard on smokers but allow these devil machines to persist. DEVIL HAND-GRINDING MACHINES!

Alice H said...

That's because most people are smart enough not to stick their hands in them, Moron.

I mean that in the nicest, most respectful way possible.

Anonymous said...

Your pain is humorous to me. And I also have a fear of the disposal.

I practically shut down all power to the house to remove a spoon.

Schrodinger said...

I'm glad I could be of service, mare. I'll do my best in the future to wound myself in amusing ways.